Disallusioned

So why does anything matter? Over a year ago all I wanted was enough money to live somewhere out in the woods far away from everything. Getting an Internet job would take care of my expenses and I would pay my taxes through the mail. It doesn’t matter what happens, nothing every lives up to my ideals.

Whether it’s meeting someone that is nice and after getting deeper into the relationship they still have baggage. Maybe they got abused by their Mom, so it finally makes sense why they start fights out of the blue. Could it be it’s just their self defense kicking in? But why should I put up with the bullsh*t.

I have had all kinds of problems in my life but would chose not to make it a problem. I could dwell in the past all the time. It takes something really special to unnerve me to where I start getting vocal. To think I could be dead now, because just for being an attractive intrevert.

Everyone is always talking, talking, talking about this or that. Everyone always just remembers the negetive though. So what does that do for me. Nothing apparently.

The world is just too dangerous for this soft heart and it’s probably better to back away slowly and leave. Can’t take it. Everyone got all the memos on how to lie and what it “really means.” So I guess I’ll take the time to tell everyone, “I quit.” It’s probably better than getting fired. That’s what I hear anyway, but maybe I missed the meeting.

4 comments

  1. I am sorry that your going through what you are. Life sucks, the world sucks, people are mean and cruel…..but that is just the way things go. Sometimes the only thing you can do to make it better is lift yourhead up and say,”fuck you.” It will all come together in the end, if you just stick to what makes you happy. I know this maybe isn’t the best advice in the world, but I just want you to know that if you need someone to talk to, I will try my best to help you out 😉

  2. Wow…. That really touched me! I love the way you wrote that down, you expressed your feelings well.

    I like the way you decide “I Quit” before you get “fired”……

    I also think it’s a really sad … piece of writing full of deep emotion and thought. Obviously, people are really bothering you and I envy you for being able to not dwell in the past. Many many people do, and maybe some do just to have something to moan about.

    I think it’s really sad that you would want to move away from all people, all life and reality and live in the middle of nowhere. I also think it’s really cool…

    This brought a lot of thought to me. Although you totally shouldn’t have tp put up with people’s bullshit, maybe it would be a good idea to put up with all bullshit from someone, a really good special friend, rather than blocking everybody out…. 🙂 Take Care xxx

  3. Im really sorry for you, the only reason that im alive, is cuz if my friends, and I think you should live for your friends, that’s what I do, If you whant to I can be your friend, if you whant too then I can be your friend, Ditto_83@hotmail.com I dint know if I got this rigth, im a lil drunk now, but if you like too, we can keep canntact.

    –Ditto

  4. You seem so fragile, almost lacking confidence in oneself. Getting away is good – but shuting down is not. where there is a will – there is a way! Survive my sweet and your reward will avail in due time.

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