Every thing always seems to be going fine to most people, even to the ones that think they know me. That’s what aggrevates me. I can’t be me.
I don’t know what is going on in my mind. I should be happy right now. My life is going very well. Every body is happy and they have a good reason to be. I should be as happy as I act at school… but I’m not. I’m driving myself insane! All I think about is what I’m missing in my life or how I am expected to act. I don’t act how people always expect but what bothers me isn’t what they think, it’s why do they expect it? I don’t always act like that. I rarely act like that. That want me to be calm and witty. Well, sometimes that’s what I feel but that’s only when I am distressed over something and it’s taking up all my thoughts. I want to be outgoing and laugh and still talk with my old friends.
Something came up recently and my friends all thought that I was going to be leaving them for good. They were so sad but I (as usually showed a calm exterior) and smiled and told them that every thing would work out fine. I am there councilor but who is mine? I can handle their problems because what they share is easy to fix and usually about pety things. I would be bitter if I didn’t believe they were my firends and know that more goes on then they tell me. Well I had to get some of this out. Anybody feel like being my councilor? Use psychology I’m in a class and you can use some big terms and I’ll understand them.
I’m sorry that I can’t help you, but it’s just that I’m one of those "listeners". The kind that stays calm and listens to everyones problems and tell them that they’re gonna be fine. Sometimes I think people get the wrong impression of me too. But I fear to tell people I care for about my feelings. So I find myself turning to strangers, who I never talk to again, just to have someone to talk to about me. And believe me – I try to change some of this, but I don’t think I have the guts yet. Well, I’m not gonna take over you thread here, but thanks for sharing, and I hope someone else can help you.
I’ll council you. you’ll have to forgive me for not using big terms. I never took the classes and I never felt the need to. I understand though.
I have a suggestion. Don’t try so hard to work out the thoughts you’re having or the thoughts you should be having. ‘Should’ is such a dangerous word because it leads you to believe you’re doing something wrong. You’re not.
You can’t change who you are and as long as you’re trying your best to be what YOU want YOURSELF to be then you’re doing fine.
Don’t confuse yourself by trying to satisfy the outside world and satisfy yourself all in the one breath. In the end, you’re the only one that matters.
People want certain things of you – it’s true. They want you to succeed in all the ways they’ve failed. Thay want you to be steady and stable.
But they don’t EXPECT you to. That’s a myth. They don’t want perfection out of you – they want you to be happy. Not ACT happy, but BE happy. That’s all.
People understand when you fall over and when you get lost. They don’t want it to happen to you because they know how much it stings, and how hard it is to get back up. But in the end, they don’t expect you to be something you’re not.
Let me explain something to you. If other people’s problems seem small and frivolous and petty then you’re just being arrogant. Remember – when you’re inside a problem it seems eighty thousand times bigger than it does from the outside.
Besides, chances are that they DO have bigger problems. Chances are they’re afraid of explaining themselves to you for the exact same reasons you’re afraid of explaining yourself to them. Isn’t that understandable?
Your friends probably see you as being happy and stable. They probably feel you don’t have the same troubles they do. You’ve been so guarded in showing different sides of yourself – did you consider that perhaps they’re doing the same?
Open up, and others will open up to you, I promise.
Your story is SOOO familiar to me, because every single person in the world feels the same at some point. Sorry to call you predictable but you are.
You’ll find that the insanity will stop building just as soon as you’re sharing it with someone else.
:: B ::
if you need something, email me.
<i>"So I find myself turning to strangers, who I never talk to again, just to have someone to talk to about me"</i>
I know exactly how that is. Crying in front of a stranger and telling them that you have these horrible nightmares or these horrible thoughts is so much easier than telling someone you know. Because once you entrust someone with these kinds of inner thoughts, that someone starts to know you. Starts to get close to you. And suddenly it feels like you’ve poisoned them with yourself, and all you want to do is get as far away as possible from that person. Strangers only half listen and send you on your way.
I’ve gone a little far, but my point is that I understand that all too well. It’s nice to know that someone goes in kind of the same direction.