Don’t Break the Ice, Godzilla!

If a body of water, in this case one of the lakes of Vermont, was to freeze over (Grammar note: It’s “was” if you’re talking about something concretely possible and “were” if you’re dealing with abstracts.) how thick would the ice have to be to support the weight of an AT-AT? Or of Godzilla? These are pressing questions, for sure. Thanks to some enterprising math and Science types we now have answers. (https://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/story/news/2020/01/10/vt-parks-want-protect-your-vehicle-falling-through-ice/4429428002/?fbclid=IwAR0kFAAtu3Y5U18xp0ypOM5lJtyUqsJ7NwSmJtceFl_LosHLYnvZ9qBMD4Y)
Way to go, math and Science types! The answers are, 60 inches for an AT-AT and 100+ inches for a “generic lizard monster.” That last seems a little iffy to me. Maybe for a smaller generic lizard monster, something on the scale of Godzilla in his original movie. But what about the Legendary Godzilla, who is much bigger, or Shin Godzilla, who is bigger still? Bigger means heavier.

Here is the exact necromantic spell they used to calculate the results. (Mathematics is the Devil’s Language, after all. It’s like the Black Speech of Mordor. Even speaking it aloud can be dangerous.)

P=Ah²
“’The strength of a cold, black ice sheet increases with the square of the thickness: 2″ ice will support four times more load than 1″ ice, all other factors being equal,’ says lake ice.org. The site says the equation is also called ‘Gold’s Formula’ and that P is the load, h is the thickness of the ice sheet and A is a ‘constant which has units like pounds per square inch (psi), tons/square inch, kg/cm2 or pascals (newtons/ square meter).’”

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By The Evil Cheezman

Purveyor of sacred truths and purloined letters; literary acrobat; spiritual godson of Edgar Allan Poe, P.T. Barnum, and Ed Wood; WAYNE MILLER is the head architect of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS, serving up the finest in entertainment and edification for the stage, the page, and the twain screens, silver and computer. He is the axe-murderer who once met Andy Griffith.

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