Electro-Shock Blues

Deep in the recesses of my mind I felt the stinging sensation of depression. I knew there was going to be a lot of changes from now on. My heart sank deep into my stomach and my eyes burned from holding back the bold tears.

My head hung low in sorrow as I sat calmly at the deep crimson desk. I stared down at the crumpled lined paper. I uncrumpled it and glanced over the all too familiar handwriting and my face glowed red. the tears streamed like intense rivers from my glass eyes. My weeping exhausted me to the point I passed out on my outstretched arm still holding the note of my beloved sister. I soon left the blackness of sleep and visions flashed from the past…
I stepped into my apartment in which I shared with my younger sister. It‘s quiet too quiet, I thought to myself. An overwhelming panic rushed over me as I walked over to her room. Unaware of the open lit bathroom door, I flipped on the lights of her room. I looked briefly over it looking for any sign she was still in there still. A pain shot throughout my body as I turned to look into the hallway then noticing the suspicious bright bathroom doorway. I walked slowly to it unaware of the horrifying sight that would forever haunt the depths of my thoughts.
As I approached, I could see the stocking feet of my sister and her legs curled up almost into the foetal position. The light seemed to dim as I was bale to see the extent of my beautiful sister leaning over the toilet with pills spilled all around her lifeless body. Her eyes were glued open, staring at something I was unable to see. Her lips were a pale blue parted slightly to expose her thick tongue. So beautiful, so precious, I felt numb and just stood there watching, hoping she wasn‘t really dead. I thought she was getting better, but I was so sadly wrong.
As I slowly grasped onto reality, I fell hard on my knees and crawled, bawling my eyes out over to Jenny. I held her frigid limp body close to warm bereft soul. When I moved her, I noticed some things fall out of her hand. I set her down gently while I stopped crying. I was shaking tremendously albeit I reached for the overturned fallen pictures. I swore her eyes blinked and I jumped back in shock. I tried to scream, but nothing came out.
I got up and ran flapping my arms about out the apartment door. I ran straight into a wall and fell hard. I managed to scoot into the left corner and to my right the stairway stood calmly overlooking the icy grey November day. Someone came running toward me with a very confused expression strained over his face as he asked me what happened. Completely unable to talk I just sat there with my knees pulled to my chest trembling in fear and disbelief but overall pain.
I stared blankly at my puddle of drool. My neck was stiff and my eyes were sore. I stood up painfully realising I had slept at my desk all night. I shuffled my feet over to the bathroom and undressed myself. I stared at my broken face with puffed red eyes in the almost completely shattered mirror. My reflection only angered me and I threw my fist down on the porcelain sink. I clenched my jaw hard when I turned to step into the musky moldy stand-up shower.
I turned the rusted knob and waited for the reddish smelly water to spray out of the shower head barely hanging onto the tiled scummy wall. Again I weeped. Another day to live. Everyday the same, I thought sadly. I walked out of the shower and grabbed the still wet towel from yesterday to attempt to calm down. I put on my black suit and combed my jet black hair back and added gel to make it stay. I grabbed my briefcase and walked gravely out my door.
I scuffled out into the gelid colorless January morning and down the concrete steps and toward the curb where I waved for a yellow cab. My body still ached from the painful sleep, but I choked it down and managed to fake a smile as the cab arrived. The cab ride seemed to last forever and the clouds bursted into a pouring rain which battered the vehicle loudly. I rested my head against the cold window and watched the racing building and scenery run past me. Quickly I was ripped from reality into a violent day-dream.
The light shone above me. All around me there was white. The white engrossed me. I was extremely confused as to where I was. I couldn‘t feel any of my limbs. I managed to lift my surprisingly heavy head to see where everything was. My wrist an ankles were buckled down to the stiff board on which I laid. I saw no other thing in what I assumed was a hospital room. I couldn‘t see a doorway anywhere, but out of nowhere a nurse walked in with a shot in her right hand, chomping away at gum. Her right hand held the thing while tapping the base with her left one. She said nothing to me as she stared as my left arm and eyed a faint blue vein. She stuck the needle into me without taking any precautions and walked out as curiously as she came in. I was again left to lay still wondering where and why I was here.
“You’re stop sir!!” the taxi driver nearly screamed probably angered at my slight doze. I walked out dazily and handed him the $7.50. I stood in front of a catherdral-like building looking it up solemnly.
I walked up to it with my eyes fixated on the wet concrete and the falling splattering raindrops. I shivered slightly and pushed the revolving doors around. Upon entering, a young blonde lady greeted me happily and showed me to the icy stone table where my associates sat. The room was dimly lit with candles and the high ceiling echoed in the sound of rain. She handed me a menu and filled my cup up with black coffee. She walked over to the other side of the table to take orders. My stomach churned at the thought of food but decided to settle on toast. I heard someone’s booming voice from the other end and I felt myself loose grip of reality.
I walked up the six flights of stairs. I approached the wooden door with the cloudy glass with ” Thomas” echoed on it. My father’s office, I thought to myself as I curled my cold clammy hand around the icy silvery doorknob. Chills ran up and down my body as I slowly turned the knob. I pushed the heavy door open dilatorily. I knew that something wasn‘t quite right when he called me to come down. I cracked the door open slightly and I saw the dim glow of the sun through the UV tinted studio windows. I heard the loud buzzing of fluorescent lights.
I took a step into his office and the overwhelming smell of cleaning solution sent my nearly coughing. My eyes watered and my vision became blurred, but there was no escaping the horror that hung in front of me above his desk. There hung a mastermind, my father. His neck was held tightly with a thick rope noose. He swayed slightly with his feet swinging freely. His once dignified face now showed disgrace and pain. Papers were scattered everywhere; probably from his jump.
I shot backward. I couldn‘t react anymore. A group of visitors and a tour guide soon approached my near lifeless body. I imagine the smell caught them off guard as well because they all covered their noses. One lady screamed as the scene became visible.
“Aren’t you going to listen?!” the man next to me nudged me violently as his harsh whisper nearly choked out of him. I stared at the large man who was speaking for a while until I noticed my toast. I grabbed a piece and some grape jelly. I spread the jelly over the crunchy bread cautiously. I took a large loud bite out of it and waited for the man to shut up.
As the man closed his deathly long speech, I clapped too early completely making a fool out of myself. Everyone glared in my direction. I didn’t know what else to do so I just ran out of the expensive restaurant in shame. I ran until I approached a small peaceful park. Still raining I sat down on a bench anyway. I watched the geese all huddle together. I leaned on my hand watching the curious people go by. Soon my eyes became dreary…
Her face once glowed with love and compassion now was dim and grey. Her eyes were plastered shut. Her head once had flowing blonde hair was now bald and covered with white gauze. I held her hand tightly and kissed her right cheek softly. Although I wanted to stay with my mother, it hurt so much to see her in this much pain. I whispered in her ear that I loved her and walked out of the horrible building. I left already knowing the fate of my caring beautiful mother.
As I got home, there was a message on my answering machine. I stared blankly at the blinking red light. My sister laid on the tattered couch napping with the TV on and the remote nearly falling out of her outstretched hand. I could tell she had been crying, but that wasn‘t new. I moved over to her and moved her legs and sat underneath them. I stared blankly ahead unwilling to really know what was said on that message. After falling asleep, Jenny wrapped her arms around me and wept hard. I cried with her I knew then that Mom was dead. Nothing seemed real.
A young man tapped at my shoulder. Ripped from my sorrowful revision, I looked to him and began to cry. He sat next to me and rubbed my shoulder as I wept into my hands.
“Everything is so wrong. Everything is so wrong…” my voice trembled with tears pouring out. He sat there watching me with a look of sympathy in his eyes. HIs life was real, he was real. He hugged me. He hugged a complete stranger. Something about that intrigued me.
“I know what you’ve all been through,” he said softly. He took my face into his hands and he looked straight into my soul. He kissed my forehead and my crying subsided. “Losing everything is hard, but when you start losing yourself, there’s no turning back. You’ve been mentally hospitalised already. There’s nothing left,” he spoke soft yet deep. It was comforting. I stared back at him with confusion. “This is your chance to fly.”
I felt an odd sensation up and around my shoulder blades. It tingled and stung at the same time as something petruded out of my back. I leaned forward because my stomach nearly jumped out of my mouth. I realized I was growing wings. I spread them wide and flexed them. It felt so good. I stood up and bent forward again. While flapping them, I jumped into the air. I looked back at the stranger, but he was gone. All that was left was my bloody body heaped over and a gun in my right hand…

By lostdreamer

dum dum dum i love to write