Several years back, I was lied to. Peter Jackson, despite being a brilliant director in his own right, apparently has abysmal taste in movies. Either that or Eli Roth had something on him, or Jackson owed Roth a big favor, or Roth is secretly Jackson’s love child from a youthful indiscretion or something like that, because Jackson gave Roth’s movie CABIN FEVER a rousing recommendation when it debuted in theaters. I believed Peter Jackson. I dropped fourteen bucks for me and my better half to watch CABIN FEVER. This latter film remains the worst movie I have ever seen. And I don’t mean that in the Ed Wood PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE “worst movie ever made” kind of way, where the movie is “so bad it’s good,” where it’s fun and hilarious and above all entertaining. No, CABIN FEVER just plain SUCKS. It’s a piece of garbage. It’s a skidmark on celluloid. It’s idiotic in its mediocrity. Roth himself, based on what I’ve seen of him of him–in interviews and as the host of Discovery Channel’s yearly SHARK AFTER DARK talk show–and heard about him from others, seems like a great guy. I think he and I could be friends. (AFTER he paid me back my fourteen dollars.) But nice guy or no, his movies blow.
Roth has never made a movie to change my opinion regarding his talents, or lack thereof. He makes piece-of-shit movies. That’s why I can’t get excited that he’s going to be doing a movie based on THE AMITYVILLE HORROR. Another well-known Horror director, sure. But if Roth’s name is connected to it, there’s a cast-iron guarantee it won’t be worth watching. What a shame.
What’s that, you say? Roth will only be PRODUCING the movie? Then there’s some small glimmer of hope it might be palatable. But I won’t get my hopes up.
And Peter Jackson, you owe me fourteen dollars on principle.