I open my heart and I tell you all my secrets. You turn away when I reach for you. I thought I found the answers but then they disappeared…to lies and bitter hate. Why? Why must you take my heart away? I’m dying…my breath is growing short….my tears are falling to the ground…the earth is taking in my pain which you are too scarred to receive. I never hurt anyone when trying to be heard…screaming and crying was all that I did. Why can no one hear me?
Am I invisible or is it just that there is no one truly here. What if life is but a dream? What if we only think we are experiencing true life? For what is true life? We must ask ourselves….what is true life to us? I need to know…is it doing what provokes our passions….is it living every day as if it were our last? Or is it giving all our love selflessly? What is true life to me? I have no answers. That is the truth…no one really does. We have no control. To live and find love seems the only thing we can truly do….but even then…do we really have control of this? I am so confused…what is up and what is down? I thought I knew what my life was about. Lately though I don’t know what to do….I feel as if I’m falling…no one lends a helping hand…no one knows my pain….for they know not of my suffering. I have no friend in which to turn…they are all to consumed within…too busy to listen and let on how much they care…zombies in bodies is all that they seem to be. I’m feeling like I have taken a wrong road…that led to this unknown place…for where am I? I do not know…this place is filled with misery, betrayal and self hate. I’m dying inside and I can see it now…how your torments and angers were the smoke in my lungs. This sickness is shutting out all the light…killing the garden in my heart. That garden was once tended….watered and weeded by the word of the lord….yet lately the devil has become my friend. I took his hand…which burned my flesh…but how could this burn hurt more than my scars? I am hating my self and the way I appear….I find no joy in looking in the mirror. I see a face staring back at me that I truly do not know…the secrets behind those eyes are so mixed inside. Why are these tears pouring from my eyes? I can find no reason why I feel this way. I once knew what to do…when others had troubles I helped them on their way. But mastery of self comes before mastery of others. I am so numb inside…I have no idea what I am doing…what is going on…what I will do. I once had goals and believed in myself…yet lately I’m exploring a land unknown…this land is my heart which I no longer care about. It seems no emotion fills my life…I cry…for my heart is longing for yours…strangely I no longer have any emotion towards anything or anyone anymore. I used to understand how to love and live with success….now I am in a trance…only released when I am with you. The true me comes out only for that moment that you are by my side…then I crawl back to my tomb…the true me hidden away from the world…buried deep, under fear of being hurt.