Emotional seduction

I went to school like every other day, like nothing else was different, except it was different, it was my first day of real high school, i had gone to a school for lack of better words for the stupid kids, it was a normal school, i met up with my friends i hadent seen in like 2 years, they were glad to see me. i was glad to see them, they were scared b/c it was semester and ALL of their classes would change, they would meet now ppl. I was like “whatever its just school”. my friends wondered how i could be so cool about it. If i had known who i was going to meet that day i would not of gone the school that day….i got to school, the campus bigger than what i was used too. my friends showed me where the group hangs out , i went and everyone saw me and said hi, i noticed there were a couple new faces i hadnt seen before, i was “oh, new pll.” i didnt have a problem with it…but, i noticed one person out of the others, it was this freshman, filipino, quiet, he didnt say much at all, i thought “oh, this kid must be shy, i’ll talk to him”, not many of my friends did. i said hi to him and he said hello back, i just wanted to be his friend…but then, after a semester, i fell in love with him. at first i thought that i could hold my feelings in, after all im gay and what would the school or society take me and see who and what i am? i think not, i keept talking to him, making jokes and he laughed, he had fun when he was with me, i had fum when i was with him as well. he did little things to make me think he might be gay, i ingnored them, i thought this was just a little crush and that it would go away, slowly i found myself feeling stronger and stronger love for him, the year ended and we went off our seperate ways for the summer, the whole summer i missed him si much, i wanted to see his smile, hear his laugh, just be with him. the summer felt like a century, then it was time for school again, i was so excited to see my jeremiah again, i longed for this day. but then my bus pulled up and i got off, i went to our hang out, then i didnt see him, i thought “oh, he must be sick” then a week went by, i didnt see him…then i saw him walking to his class, i was supprised and said hi to him, he said hi back…he was with other ppl…i felt crushed, but i wanted to still talk to him, so i made every effort to see him as much as i can…i feel deeper and deeper in love with him, another year had gone by…same thing happened but this summer i missed him more, then my senior year came, i decided to tell him that i loved him, i wrote him and told him…he didnt freak…we were cool, he gave me sweet smiles and everything, we had eye contact and everything…the year went on and he said he didnt feel the same way..that we were just friends, that was all, but then he still smiled ever so sweetly at me, it made me melt, the way we looked at eachother sometimes would be considered flirting even…but, i had gotten tired of wondering if he felt something for me or not…before i asked him i told my friends about it, they thought that jeremiah was gay and that he loved me as well, they had seen the waty we looked at eachother…i asked him….then, he told me what i had hoped he would never…he told me that he wasnt what i thought he was…that he wasnt like that, that he thought its wrong, that god hATES THAT, that its in the word of god…and that im going to hell….i loved this boy, i gave him my heart, i didnt come from a loving family, i was never loved, i never gave my love to anyone, i never wanted to , but this boy was the only person i wanted to give my love to, the only person who i ever wanted to love me…and now…nothing, im broken, i come from a broken home, now a broken heart, he was everything to me, my love for him and the possibilty of him loviong me too got me through alot….now i have nothing, im alone, cold, dark, just lonely, im not going to give my heart to any one ever again…i gave it once, completely, holdimng nothing back…and, he didnt want it….


no family no lover no love no heart no life