Emotionless – what to do…

hi, im new to darkness.com
I’ve been feeling really low, for a while now. People have only started to realise, but only because Ive started to show it, as i have become somewhat of a master of “masking”. at the moment it feels as though i have no energy to express any emotion….

it’s scary, because i havent felt this bad b4. one day, in english i decided to write down what i was thinking – this is wat i wrote :

I can only find emotion worth showing in reading. But, at this they are not my emotions but someone elses which have ben injected into me. Apart from this, a smile, a gigglle, a frown, a tone of alarm is all put on. It is all one big colourful mask, though it feels like lead, to conceal what really is. The mask has spaces for eyes, so expressionless that are and may remain.

I am not overally sure what spurred on this, but nothing makes sense anymore. its all mixed up. one minute im fine and think why the fuk was i sad, and then im bak to being all non-happy and stuff. its like i have no energy to show any emotion watsoever, cept around my family so that they dont become concerned. sometimes i feel like crying, rather like now, and other times i dont feel like anything…its scary. its like i have no control over it.

My cousin has recently become suicidal, which made me really upset, but i couldnt tell anyone this. also, one of my ex-friends came up to me and asked which way do u slit ur wrists (this was in a jap lesson), i looked at her funny and replied, the next time i looked up, her and her friend had their art knives out….this made me feel soooo ill, i felt like throwing up, crying, screaming, dying…and i dont know y…

argh, as soon as i think im fine and everything’s ok, it turns back…

if anyone has anything to say…please say (type) it…im rather lonely and really need some sort of emotion to copy…

By wandering pixie

I think you can tell a lot about me from my posts...depending on who u ask, you'll get different answers about who i am...