Erase and Rewind

Today is the first day of the rest of your life,’ Gabby said for the millionth time. ‘Yeah Gabby, and grapes turn into raisins in the sun, but no one really cares, do they,’ I muttered. I was pissed, pissed that she had to be Ms. Sunshine all the time, pissed that my mother regretted the day I was born, pissed that I had better things to do with my time than think about this shit, even though I was. We sat along the shore, tossing pebbles as good as any boy, squinting in the sun at the murky blue-brown water…I didn’t know how precious those days really were. We decided to walk tightrope on the seawall, waving our arms precariously while the waves dashed seaspray on our faces. Gabby was as short as I was tall, sunny as I was gloomy, and she was popular- I wasn’t. ‘Shit.’ I cussed, as I slipped, finally, and fell on the other side of the wall, bruising my knee on the pebbly ground. Gabby looked around dazedly, maybe the sun had gotten to her head or something, and I was about to get up when I stooped down even lower to see what it was poking out of the ground like a tiny antenna. The thing looked harmless enough, although my head started buzzing uncomfortably the closer I got to it, but I was trying to dig it up when Gabby pulled my arm anxiously. ‘What? Gabby, you’re wrenching my damn arm off,’ I yelled, then stopped quickly at the frightened look on her face. ‘It’s Luke and the guys…..let’s go,’ Gabby always got this look when she was scared, but maybe I thought it was a weird look because I had hardly ever seen her scared. She looked even more childish than she usually did, her eyes became round and wide, like a kid watching a new trick who for the life of him couldn’t figure out how it was done. I saw Luke, actually I didn’t need to look to look to discern the eyes boring into mine like lead drills, with a kind of sick intent, like a boy with a jar of butterflies. She tugged at my arm again, this time more urgently, and this time I followed her, jumping down from the wall and heading back to the main beach. Another day at school for us.

The next day Gabby didn’t show…her ‘friends’ at school weren’t too concerned, they had more important things to discuss, like what to wear to the next party at Leah’s house. I would have passed by her house, but her mother was a prissy snob, and stated clearly her desire to keep her daughter away from me. My mother pretended I didn’t exist…after that day when she hit me and I hit back, she cried and said she was sorry, then went to water the roses. I got home, dialled and got the machine. Gabby would at least tell me if she was moving to Alaska, right? It was then that I saw a little slip of paper on my desk near the open window. ‘Emi, go to the seawall, and dig up that thing you saw yesterday…I’m sorry I couldn’t come to school today, and remember, today is the first day of the rest of your life…live it, ok?’ Her signature was scrawled at the bottom, another twilight zone characteristic; Gabby’s penmanship was perfect.

Enough of this mystery shit, and to hell with what her mother said, I wanted to find out what drugs Gabby was taking, or to kick her in the shins if she thought this was funny. I knocked quickly on her door, a little amazed at the complete silence surrounding the house. No giggling kids like on my street, no old folks sitting out on the porch, only dignified, contemptuous silence. I knocked louder when no one answered, calling loudly, ‘Gabby? It’s Emi, you there?’ I guess I couldn’t very well break into her house…just the thing for my report which was already blotched with complaints. Maybe she was at the beach, cracking up at my stupidity and waiting to gloat like a little spoilt brat…but somehow I couldn’t picture Gabby being cruel in any way, simply because I didn’t think it possible of her. I headed down to the beach, kicking the dust up…it wasn’t really sand, just a silty, empty dust, a muddy brown color that did turn to mud when it rained. I stopped by the wall, where I saw the little metal wire protruding above the ground, and sure enough, there it was. There was no sign of Gabby though, so I started digging it up, waiting for her to pop out and squeal like she always does. It came out slowly but surely, and it was an antenna of a sort, but attached to it was a funny looking cylinder with a flat face and buttons on it…it looked almost like a remote for some tv on the Jetsons. Taped to it was an envelope, with Gabby’s perfect handwriting all over it…the buzzing was really loud now, and i shook my head slowly, trying to get rid of it. I opened the letter, for thats was what it was, and learnt finally, why Gabby was never sad and why she would never toss pebbles with me on the waterfront ever again.

‘I always liked Luke, and I knew he was bad news, but I guess I like them bad…every good girl falls for the bad guy, right? I fell for him…You didn’t know, no one knew, except him and I and the four walls of my bedroom. He took my innocence, and then he laughed in my face, he laughed. I guess he was confused…it doesn’t matter anymore, because I found something, which is why I led you here yesterday. That thingie in your hand, I don’t know exactly what it does, but I thought it was some weird old control for something. I pressed a few buttons and nothing happened, so I just had it in my bag…then I saw Luke on the waterfront and I remembered when I was fooling around in school with it, and I saw him, and I just got so mad. I pointed the thing at him, and I pressed the mute button. He was talking to this girl, putting the moves on her, and leaning up against her locker, when he stopped in mid-sentence, and his mouth opened, but no words came out. I stopped dead in my tracks…I was so scared, you have no idea. I thought I had done something really horrible. He came to my house, and he was so mad…I had never seen him so mad at me…he raped me. I screamed and screamed, but he was dead silent. I don’t know if it can be undone, I didn’t really care to try after that…there’s no reason to continue anyway…don’t you see? I might as well have never been born. Look at the remote…there’s an erase button there too…I decided to see if it works…what do you think? I’m sorry Emi, you were the only one that really saw me.’

My hands were shaking when I finished the letter…and I could swear that there were little black ants scurrying across my feet. My head cleared and then I looked at the dead, black thing in my other hand. The buttons were in rows and columns, but there were no numbers, just ‘mute’, ‘power’, ‘off’, ‘erase’, ‘rewind’, and a few others. i was too stunned to cry, I think, my eyes practically swam in a red mist as I thought of that bastard Luke. It was then that I saw him walking bent over, about twenty feet away, hunched over while looking at the ground as if searching for something. I was so caught up in the letter that I hadn’t seen him coming. Now, all the rage that built up inside me, for my friend, for this waste of human emotion, for the fact that she had so much, so much to live for, made me point this innocent little contraption at him. He raised up, saw me and what I held and cringed, motioning with his hands, making little praying gestures. ‘Was it good Luke? Did you enjoy fucking Gabby then laughing at her? Was it WORTH IT?!! I screamed the last words and pressed that erase button like i wanted to destroy either it or my finger. It was actually strange, the way he just froze, then kind of wavered like a mist, then vanished…poof.

I bet you wish that this were real, that you could just fix your life by pressing a button…what would you say if I said that you could? The only buttons you need to press are in your mind….’Today is the first day of the rest of your life’…remember that.