WTF? maybe another hit,another high, might ease the pain might make me gain one more obsession to add to my list of shit. A tiny little list i have stapled to my wall, each night it screams at me….each night i scream back. SHUT THE FUCK UP!! but it wont, it doesnt, it never leaves me alone. not once, not even when im away from it.
After a while ill take it downand store in the vaults of my mynd. Maybe this is an insane rant, maybe its a cry for help, but there are too many calls and cries for help so maybe this is a scream. A scream i hear at the back of my head. A voice of someone i loved and the other voice…..the one i love now…….but my firstt loves gone and still wants back in the gentle hold of my arms,scarred arms, scarred soul…..Then nausea kicks in as i sit and watch my pitiful little life shiver crawl up and dissolve before my very own tear dried eyes.then i sit and crie myself to sleep. Another sickening sobbing lullaby that i cant escape. Blood……..everywhere
pouring down my walls
getting in my eyes
forcing me to remember…..yes i was there
and yes i did that…..
…………………………no im not proud of it
……………………………………………………….but that doesnt mean i didnt do it……no……………because nothing ever makes sense? Then i turn my head to my floor the only thing lying there is a book called “House of Leaves”by makr z daniellewski……………..ive read it…….i remember.
Does insanity come in waves?or is it just me
sometimes
I
forget
who
I
am
then again
sometimes i dont
in every light there is shadow
in every shadow….anguish.
look skyward and remember
who you once were and who you are now.
and youll see
you’ll realise
Sayonara
DoWNWaRDSPiRaL