As i sit here on this cold stoney park bench, cold and stoney as my life has now become, i think of better days, days when the nievity of youth was still obvious upon my cheek. i then lift the bottl to my lips and rest my head upon the park bench. It will be a cold night tonight.
I wasnt born this way you know. Sometimes things happen in life, circumstances we have no control over,or that we dont want to have control over. thats what happened to me. i couldnt take the reality anymore so i picked up this bottle to numb the sharp acrid pain i felt. to blur my visions and my thoughts. to take me to a place of if not happiness. at least unawareness.
I killed her. we were newly married. She was the most beautiful bride that i had ever seen. She was the light of my life and i loved her with all my heart and soul. It was a stormy night .she didnt want to go out you know Coming back from a friends.home i was driving fast. I lost control. There was darkness. My Miranda stopped breathing.
I couldnt believe it-she wasnt dead….but she was. I caused it. I oculdnt look at myself in the mirror. i couldnt get up in the morning to go to work. WE never had any children and i just didnt want to face the world without her. SHe was the light and i was the shadow. Shadows cant exist without light and i couldnt exist without her.
So a new love was introduced into my life, alcohol. Its been with me since. It never left me, never deserted me. WHen the landlord came to evict me from my apartment, when friends gave up on me and moved on with their lives, when i started roaming the streets like a ghost, an old man trapped in a young mans body, it stayed. it never went away and it wont. this time ill hold on forever ill never let go….
I sit back and take out the bottle of pills id been saving. I cant take the lonliness anymore and its time to let go…i take each pill one by one and place them into my mouth and swallow. i lay down onto the floor and an evenessent feeling sweeps over me. im falling, fading into the night where i belong.