For you

Down another pill and watch it all float away….
I want to hurt him like he hurt me…i want him to have the kind of pain that lingers…that haunts and follows you around. The kind of paon that effects everything you do. But i cant, i have no emotional control over him soo…ill just sit here dreanched in my own sorrows and try to deal with the pain as it coems…one day at a time right?
Words are such empty things-they just float out and mean nothing…get swallowed up in the past. The physical pain helps me to forget the emotional pain that i feel…for those few moments im consumbed by it and it reminds me that im still alive. It numbs me…dulls the sharp effects of those same worthless words-ironic isnt it.
How do you smile when you talk to me and look at me right into my eyes-and lie. Why do you tease me and torture me like you do?
Is it so that u can remind yourself that u can? so that you can know that youre still in control of me?
well you are….okay? you control me…you’ve won. You turn me on and you turn me off….i hang on every single word that you say. You’re killing me- a slow, long, lingering death. What did i do to deserve this?
no-what do you do to me to make me let you do this…thats what i want to know.
with every salty tear i cry and every drop of blood i shead for you….
with every cell in my body i love you. I wish that I could breathe in every breath you breathe out, because that breath was inside of you. I wish i could live off your life…be a part of it. i want to be inside of you…and be safe with u…be saved by you. i want you to want me inside of you….i want u to want to protect me.
but this desiese….your desiese that uve given to me….its taking over and i dont have the streangth to fight it anymore. The desire for what could be but isnt….A fantasy. A wish. A dream. All beautiful….but not really real.
THe desiese of a love that never existed…was never real…and that could never be lost…
yes, i still love you.
-unkeptsecret.