(this is a story I wrote about myself,if you are going to be bored …dont cristisize me in a comment,just dont waste your time )
Im not going to say that I am that odd.Lets start off…about last year or so …I began to start dressing odd,kind of punk and skaterish.
Well then my life was ok…didn’t worry about shit..was just the odd child.Well it wasn’t then that I became odd…it was over the summer.I grew to hate myself.At first I was just angry at myself.Sick of people sick of things…I thought I would eventually get over it.Like a fight you have with a friend…you fix what went wrong .Well how could I fix the way I thought about life?I wasn’t going to change me for anybody.So then during the summer I became to think everybody hated me,because of hhow hyper I’ve acted.So…when I thought this,I basically gave up on life.That was not the worse stage I’ve ever been in.Then,how I was then…well I wasn;t suicidal.I was basically sad over not having anyone to rely on…losing everybodys trust…hating bill…my “father”.Always being bored…never being invited to anything.So before the summer came i just started getting pissed at alot of people…thought eveyone disliked or hated me ….well so the last week of school I ignored everyone and kind of kept things to myself.Well thats when people got really angry with me and I thought I lose everything I ever had.I couldn’t go to my family…my brother is the ultimate prep who couldnt and most certainly wouldnt understand my problems.My father is and was a hypocritical asshole.My mother has enough problems with the rest of my family.My sister alisha was married and I didn’t think I could come to her.My 15 year old sister …was going through a difficult time …sucidal.Well lets say now I do have people to talk to.But how the fuck can I live in this world when everyone tells me what I do is bad for myself ?Dont they fucking get it?I do not fucking care.So during the summer me and my friends began to work things out.It actaually turned out they wrre busy…they had no time to call or hang out with me.So,when everything was fucked…i began to become really sucidal.Began cutting my skin.Then one night I told my sister bridget( i got the idea from her ) so …I had a friend who cut too.Well then I realized this is the soulution to my problems.But when I told my sister time after time I would quit if she didnt tell mom…she said ok.Belived me.I just have this thought that one day my mother finds out (her little angel,isnt so happy ans shit like she thought )she takes me to a ward or some shit and is disgusted in me.Then he life gets fucked .Another eason to blame and hate myself.So I broke the promises I told bridget…I begegd and begged her again.The last time ,she almost told my mom.I just couldnt let my mother find out.So…before I even told bridget for the first time I met somebody from a friend Brian .This kids name was sean.He made me smile…and I was basically just happy when I was with him.But then…my addiction for cutting came back…
a poem
Addiction 11/14/01
Addiction,addiction I hate you.
Do you see what you put me through?
Once again..you have won.
You took away my moon and sun.
you drove me crazy-
Then I lost him.
So once again,
I’ll let you win…
I take the metal..
slit my skin.
now my patience
Is burning within.
But I thank you,intensly-
You push away my fears
never running away…
always near
I thought I could leave you…
I tried and I tried…
But I cant let go…
And I dont know why.
So after the time we spent alone-
Upon my skin the scares have shown.
There so pretty,
I adore them so…
Without you,
I’d have no place to go.
But ill stay right here…
where theres no fears.
giving in when we fight…
then you show me the light.
The burning,scars
makes me want to scream…
Then I come to reality-
this isnt a dream
its my life
that I must face…
But ill take my gun-
and end the chace
the chace for happiness..
Now im giving up…
or i have already?
cuz u ppl drive me mad…
dont worry,
when im gone,
you’ll all be glad.
so then i went out with sean…he dumped me because I was constantly depressed…well so now the one who made me smile…moved on.were friends now…and he thinks im happy.Cant let him know.='(
ok that was by me…descibing cutting.Mayeb I will eventually die.You see im just a little girl who cant stop the insanity…HELP !!HELP!!I cannot quit…thats why im lost in a world of hate forever.
well too bad..time doesn’t matter to me nemore. sooner or later i’ll go too. ur story is very much like mine. never could really rely on ne1. no1 was there for me. blocked everyone esle out. i miss u greg..come back..i need u. then he left me standing there crying cauz the one person i needed left me. he was the one who stopped me from cutting my wrist. now i’m addicted to the feeling that makes u real. but isn’t it that if ur real, someone cares for u? guess i’m not real then. hey maybe if we do go die, we’ll go together? i don’t wanna spend time alone when i’m dead too. i already got some pple to come with me. soon….
hey deb well…yeah we will die together…but you know now im with this craig guy and he makes me ssooo happy.He is definately the one…but I just know he wont hurt me.But wtf?why did gregg leave you…that shits fucked…well thats whats sean practically didi to me.He stopped me from cutting…but then I started…and stopped…its like a cd…skipping.Well thanx for taking time to read my story…=)
-*b r o k e n*-
hey.i dont know you or anything but i just thought i should tell you that suicide is the most fucked up and lazy way out. why are u here asking for help from a bunch of people that are all going through the same thing? the best we can do is listen to you and support your writings, but as far as your life goes, well, lets just say its out of our hands… try to get help from someone who can actually be there and talk to you…i love the way you write, and i wish i could get to know you better, so dont go and give in to your temptation to cut, and please dont kill yourself…peace
1-im not asking for anyones help.
2-many kids get depressed,there are others way worse than me,I dont need “help” from ***** phsyciatrists who think your just another problem.
and…
3-I send my poems in to let others in on what I write.I figure they may find my poems intersting because I find theirs interesting.
4-Ive tried sucide…i even had it written a fur page letter,but she found out.So I guess thats not happening.If I wanna cut,its my fault.I never asked anyone to care.
-me