Gerald the Killer Turkey

Turnabout is fair play. Americans eat millions of turkeys every Thanksgiving. Shouldn’t the turkeys, or at least one turkey, return the favor?

This one has “movie” written all over it. Not that Gerald the Killer Turkey actually killed anyone, or ate anyone. It would be difficult to eat a person without killing him first, or during the process, and if the victim somehow survived being eaten then the process of digestion would of a surety finish him off. But Gerald isn’t a giant turkey, something on the scale of the creature from THE GIANT CLAW, so he’d have to kill a victim in order to eat the body in pieces. Not that he ever did. But in the movie, yeah, that’s how he’d have to do it.

In real life, Gerald the Turkey, the “winged boogie man”, the “Cerberus of the rose garden”, didn’t do much except chase people. (
But as someone who got chased by a big ass goose when he was a little boy—me; I was that little boy—I can attest that a big angry bird chasing your ass can be pretty damn scary.

It’s a mystery why Gerald, a formerly chill bird, turned aggressive. It may be due to the ‘Rona, and the fact that the park he calls home has been overrun by bored people out for a lark. Personally, I think it’s revenge for Thanksgiving. Somebody somewhere ate a friend of his.

Categorized as darkness

By The Evil Cheezman

Purveyor of sacred truths and purloined letters; literary acrobat; spiritual godson of Edgar Allan Poe, P.T. Barnum, and Ed Wood; WAYNE MILLER is the head architect of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS, serving up the finest in entertainment and edification for the stage, the page, and the twain screens, silver and computer. He is the axe-murderer who once met Andy Griffith.

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