She saw the world through broken eyes
Mascara rotting on her well trained eyes
She was reprimanded
When her tears shared themselves with the world
Every tooth she held wasn’t white enough
But her clothes couldn’t have been any darker
She held her knives closer then veins
And she loved her breath, despite the staleness
She spoke in broken words
Not us ed to suc h reti red meani ngs
She would dream of pure white gowns and smiling faces showing up for her
All she gave in reality was a cold stare
She never got any better, so why give more
Shed sit in her room and dance with rope under highlighted black swirls
There was a revolt in her head, rebellion showing through bleached skin
There’s a porcelain doll in her skull
And it wouldn’t stop weeping
Her sorrow showed no fear in exposé’s
Heathens scolded her
She was a bitch
A whore
A freak
A faggot
A skank
A pitiful animal
Nothing more than ugly
And she maintained her smile
She sat in her bed at night, wishing that someone would look at her
Look at her like she was normal
Like she was someone
Someone
She was a ghost
A frame holding a breath with it, walking on shattered legs
Drugs made her feel as though she was someone
As though she had a true name
Then she would go home and fall asleep
Dreaming of her sunflower dresses
Of her acceptance
Of her ability to have the option of throwing away her razors
She didn’t shave her legs
Didn’t paint up her face
She let her hair go astray
Her teeth rotted into pine splinters
And nothing changed
Her body shed the pounds faster than the dreams girls she saw on infomercials
Her skin grew mold in places
She didn’t shave her heart
And it grew untamed, unruly, a vibrant mixture of deceit into decay
Her tears turned into needles
Tearing past her cheek and into her arms
Then she would go home and escape into her dreams
Filled with burning sunflower dresses
Of lost acceptance as she tied nooses around the others around her
She woke up wetting the bed from excitement
She shaved her legs again,
Reaching for her lipstick
Her nail polish
Her mascara
Her door handle, leading to a closet emptying into a blackened hole of negative space
Her body grew the pounds into a slim figure
Pushing the tears out further as her carelessness ended with reconciliation in hospital beds
But nothing changed
So she would go home and escape into her bathroom
Revealing what was underneath the skin of her wrists
What co lour her neck would turn if choked
She sat in the corner and drifted into the world of dreams
Dreaming of sunflower dresses
Of acceptance as they all fluttered around her, wearing the black she always wore
They put her on the metal slab,
Cutting her open and finding her system was torn into miscellaneous parts
Her heart grew too large, too unruly, its fury swallowed her
And then they placed her into her final bed
Wearing the perfect sunflower dress
As her family and few friends showed up in the girls everyday dress
They accepted her death
She got her acceptance
Her heart had finally stopped it swoon and fury, growing small
She kept her eyes close
Not wanting to stop dancing,
In her perfect sunflower dress