hated (true)

You all saw me as a soul crying out for attention but were you right?
no you weren’t.
I was myself, i liked who i was, or did i?
I was always left out in the shadows while She got all the attention.
I hate her.
Ive always hated her, but you said it was sibling rivalry.
but its much more then that.
I sat alone in the darkness i sat, hating you all while She got the spot light.
I wasn’t at all like her, but you all insisted I was.
I was discriminated against, ignored.
you all said you cared about me..but you never did i knew it.
When He came into the family, you all ginored me even more.
but Im used to it.
I dont bother anymore to make you proud of me.
I shut myself up in my room, you wonder why.
I dont have manners, I dont like being in crowds for a long time, you wonder why.
Im angry inside my head, and I show it when i want to, but you continue to ignore me.
I get pushed away, mentally beaten and putdown.
I sit ther and take it, at the time I think its true, when its not.
I like the dark and evil things, you all wonder why.
you all think im mental and need angry managment, maybe I do, but only because of you.
I was a happy kid, the kind you saw playing on play grounds and laughing and picking flowers.
that didn’t last long, i changed that when i was about 10 years old, because i saw what was going on.
I light my room my candle light, and you ask my why I do this, but I dont answer.
I play with fire, you tell me to be carful, but do you mean it? no, eventhough you say you do.
She and..Him get all the attention from everyone.
everyday its “how is she” or “how is He”
but never “how are you”
Ive learned to deal with this.
to accept this.
but Im still hurting inside, I cant help it.
I want to break down crying when I see Her and everyone talking to Her and Her showing off.
I just want to crawl into a ditch and die, but I dont, physically anyway.
My face is always expretionless, and you all think Im fine so you ignore it.
I know you all hate me.
So why dont you just say so!
its obvious.
but…Ill leave this issue alone for right now, maybe for another 16 years.