I have for the first in my life falled in love, with someone, a girl, i love her…but i can’t say it, i know this sounds a bit odd but, to some of you love is normal, to me it is like poison, it makes me hate myself..
but i still want to love. But i can’t hug anyone or even say the word love, without hating myself..Help Me.
I don’t want to lose her, if i lose because of me, i will kill myself, but i can’t say it i’m not shy, it is myself i am afraid to hate..i don’t know why, but i have experienced so many negative things, that i have barricaded my heart, but i don’t want to be barricaded, but when i met her, she broke all of my barricades, leaving my there with a open heart, i love her, but when she took another guy, i was devastated, i was really really wierd, but htey broke up after month, and now she loves me, i know it because we hold eachothers hands, and we always walk together talk together, but why can’t i say it? i know that she won’t say no, but it is again, myself i hate when i say these things.
I see her eyes, the most beautiful, her smile can make everybody smile, even when i am trapepd in darkness, she lights me up, she isn’t very tall, and she is the cutest thing i have ever seen, I need help any kind of help, and i have told her that i have a hard time showing my feelings, and she understands, but hse hopes i see it in her eyes that i will kiss her, or tell her that i love her, bhut why can’t I?
HELP!!
Override your own fear… if you can, it takes a lot of strength to do this, I know, I’ve had too as well. Is there anything to lose? or are you afraid so much to gain something that is so really important to you.
Learn from your hurt but don’t shut yourself off from everyone, especially this one. Get up, stand on your own two unsteady feet, take the first step no matter how much you think you will faulter, those are only your thoughts holding you back and your past fears. Move forward, there is much to gain in taking a risk to get up again and at least try.
I know exactly where u are comeing from I am in the same situation! I have been hurt unconditionaly so many times i cant bear to stand it any more! but believe me you will only hate yourself more and barricade up your heart more if you dont let her know how u feel. I wish you all the luck and if u ever need anyone 2 chat 2 jst give me a bell : phoenix463@hotmail.com
Dru x
im in a similar situation. last monday the guy im inlove with told me he wanted his girlfriend back. i was so devastated i thought id kill myself. the only thing that held me back was that i have his named carved onto my arm right above my wrist. every time i wanted to slit my wrist i saw his name. i couldnt go through with it i had to see his face one last time. i still didnt sleep and the naxt day was awful. i had to stand there and torture myself by looking at him knowing hed never love me as much as his exgirlfriend. he told me that he loved me and he didnt realize that he didnt know how much he loved me until after he told me he wanted her back. he said he truly loved ME not her and that he knew he did because he felt the same way i did. like he couldnt go on without me and i couldnt go on without him. we’re together again but i will never stop being afraid of letting myself love him entirely because of that night. i love him but it scares me to love him its like self torture: it hurts but because you like it so much you cant stop doing it and even though it hurts you dont cry, you laugh because its what you want
Putredins, maybe you can’t say you love her because some part of you dosen’t want to believe that such a wonderful thing, like love, could possiblely happen to you. And maybe, on a subconsouse (or however it is spelled) level, your afarid of ither loseing it or being rejected sooner or later and being left alone, only with your pain to comfort you.
Another possibility is that you might be an insecure type of person, and afaird that you might do something to her that would ruin the person that she is, or hurt her even.
If ither one of these is the case, do like what Voltarrens said. A life without risks is no life at all. And think about it this way, if you can’t learn to give yourself over to love now, how are you going to do it for your soulmate (if you beleive that you have one)oneday. You would have given it all up just to stay safe. Think of this as a learning exspirence that will oneday help you know how to handle things when the right person finally dose come along.
You guys don’t know how much you’ve helped, me she knows that i really love her, and soon i’m going to ask her if we should go steady. You helped very much, i’m grateful, i wish all of you luck in your lives, this is so cool.
Thanks, Putredinis, glad to impart some of my experience, and put a smile on your face. Good luck.
Although for me it hasn’t worked out, but at least I did ask, and I know without ever having to worry.
sometimes, being with someone else makes you aware of how much you love the person you’re not with. maybe she wasn’t sure and had to prove that she loved you to yourself.
maybe you don’t have to say the words “i love you” for her to know it. do ask her out and soon. if you lose her, you will never forgive yourself. no one waits around forever.
best of luck to you.
Hey its me, i am confused again, i went so good, but somehow i keep telling myself that she hates me, that she is leaving me. she isn’t, but i tell myself and then i start getting depressed, i have just cut my self in the hand, why i dont know, but something inside me isn’t used to love, the “dark side” is pulling me back, it is barricading me, but the other half of me is feeling, is crying of joy.
I AM DEAD; BUT FOR HER I WON’T Be,
i wish i could talk to you guys, face to face, i think you could help me, and i maybe could help some of you, There is much to be told about me, before you can understand me 100%, but some of you is having the same shit like me,
how can life, love and compassion make me feel like this? i thought it was meant to feel good……continued…….
….continued…I am going to school, not an ordinary school, its a school were you live at the school, and everyday you are talking to the same 112 persons, we are like a little society, today i was lying next to her, watching TV, she had my knife, because i told her to take it from me, i won’t tell her how i feel anymore, i’m afraid to hurt her, she is so innocent so cute i wouldn’t dare, if i make her sad i would never forgive myself, but i asked for the knife without thinking about it, she gave it to me. I took it, and i swear in a split second i was pressing it against my heart, i was so close to commit suicide, but then i thought of her, my friends, my family. instead i cut myself in the hand, right in front of her, but i’m glad she didn’t notice. ANd by the way I can’t ask her out just like that, it is only in the weekends we are allowed to get out of school, or go home, and she lives in another city.
So here is what has happened in the past 4 hours.
-Putredinis-
You seem to be facing a lot of problems all at once. I think you just need time to sort things out. Try telling her how you feel, why you’re confused. If she really loves you, she’ll want to help you. She may also be really happy that you chose to confide in her. Follow your heart. You say you have those demons following you, pulling you back. If you love her, you have to fight them. It won’t be easy, but that’s the way it has to be.
best of luck
–mourning
ive already posted before(to explain how we are similar in situations). we are in the EXACT same position. i swear to you that i feel the exact same way. i always thought that love should feel good but it doesnt its pain and sadness but its also freedom and happiness. agrivation and frustration, and a sense of weakness but at the same time its sorrow and yearning. melancholy and heartbreaking. uplifting yet makes you down. in a way its like dying but its also like living for the first time. words cant describe it… its an undescribable emotion… it hurts but brings pleasure, like when you’ve just cut yourself and see the blood dripping and it hurts but you dont cry because you like it so instead you start to laugh… yeah but im with my boyfriend still because i love him i really do. i always tell myself he doesnt love me he wants something better but every day there he is waiting for me. i feel aggrivated that he wont see that he deserves better but i know that if he left me it would be unbearable. in a way i m torturing myself but in another way i am fulfilled.
Love starts from within and then over the years it gathers other things around it like possessiveness, longing, pain, depression, envy, etc each time you get hurt. You never realise you have to let go of these things that crowd in. They are the things that make you feel unworthy, that you have to know how to love and respect yourself first before you can love another as you should and want to. It can make you blind and reject everyone who comes to you, surrounding you like a shield.
Work is needed to fight these built up emotions that have gathered around your heart and are strangeling it. It is hard, the battle must be just and detirmined with a real need to do it, as if something beyond yourself. It is worth it to keep going and not lose faith.
Peaches and cream! Enough! You may console… but do not condone! Admiting you have a problem is the first step to solving it. Very good then. You’ve passed the first stage. Next would be to determine the cause… is it you? or her? Obviously it is you!!
My advice? SHOOT YOUR DOG! Just kidding… Do you even know what love means? You have to ask yourself that… If you do, then yes, i guess you do love her. BUT THAT IS NOT ENOUGH!! First of all, stop the shitty PITY crap! Wake up and stop crying!! It’s a waste of everybody’s time! If she is that important to you, realize that she won’t be there forever… unless you make a move. Any moron can hold a girl’s hand without it meaning anything! And anyway, love doesn’t have to be about saying it out loud…it’s about risks, doing little favors, smiles & laughs, or even simply being there when she needs someone to be with her. THAT’S WHAT IT IS ABOUT! So if you can’t get yourself to tell her you love her…show her instead.
And by the way, suicide is never an excuse for failure! Go for the kill!
And to this we become better men…Ü
Obviously lostwords, you don’t know shit about what you are talking about, if you knew me you would know that crying is a wrod that i have forgotten, if you knew me you would have hated me, i was coldhearted like shit once, i was very close to kill two of my friends, because i couldn’t control myself, go for the kill, if I ever have to kill anyone it would be myself, pity shit you say, that is only proof of your ignorance, wake up, i am awaken, more than ever, i have a problem, i need to solve, i try but you are one of those humans who can’t put themselves into others situations, if you were in my place what would you do? huh?
if you don’t have anything helpful to say then shut up, and go fuck yourself.
Lost owrds i ahve to agree with you in one way, any moron can hod another girls hand, but for me it is a great step.
So if you don’t understand then beat it.
You are nothing but one great, wannabe mainstream motherfucker.
dont listen to lost words. hes stupid and he doesnt know how to give advice
THIS TIME I MEAN IT, I’M FEELING BETTER, BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS AND ESPECIALLY PRINCESS DRU, LOVA YA; LOVE ALL OF YOU.
YOUR WORDS HELPED ME, I DON’T BLAME MYSELF ANYMORE, STILL GOT PROBLEMS BUT I THINK I CAN HANDLE THEM, IF ANYONE WANTS TO TALK THEN JUST MAIL ME: putredinis@hotmail.com