Hey everybody, it’s !~AtReD~! again… Sorry it’s so long… But please bare with me… I really need the help…

This is to whomever will listen and give me some advice. i have never really asked for advice before. but i’ll find a place to start with my rambling story of how my life became shit. this has nothing to do with me being “Gothic” or a “freak.”

About a month and a half ago, i was living in this apartment in my name, i paid all the bills, i even put the damage deposit. well throughout my time of living there i wrote my poetry all over the walls, punched kicked and stabbed holes in the walls, and puched holes in and rammed my face through a closet door. also i cut out all of my screens so i would always have a way of getting in if i forgot or lost my keys. well, one day my girlfriend was over at my apartment and she is still a minor so, of course, her mom came to my apartment looking for her… YaY, always fun…
Her mom was with her friend’s mom at my door. Naturally her friend was over there as well. We were smoking weed when they showed up at my door. they were pounding and what not. i eventually opened my door once my girlfriend and her friend escaped through one of my windows. when i had opened the door, my girlfriend’s friend’s mom (named Shirley) stepped her foot over my thresh hold. automatically i told her in a calm but ferocious voice “Don’t cross my thresh hold” She yelled at me “give me my daughter.” it was then when i raised my tone “DoN’T CrOsS My ThReSh HoLd!” She continued on her begging and pleaing for her daughters release from my “Child Molesting Grasp” then i yelled at her repeatedly “DON’T CROSS MY THRESH HOLD!!!!” i HAD YELLED IT CONTINUOUSLY because i had to cut her off every time that she had tried to talk. When i had yelled at full compasity. she backed off. i think she did out of fear. she stumbled back as if i had hit her. but in all reality i was the one in pain. I had yelled so loud and so hard that my jaw felt as if it were tearing itself from my face. my throat had a constant burning as if i had swallowed a cigarette. she then came back and stepped over my thresh hold again. then i told her with a raspy voice “move so i can close my door.” she didn’t. so i shoved her out of the way with the door, opened it until it was completely ajar, and slammed it in her face. Shirley called the cops saying that i had kidnapped their daughters and i was forcing them to do drugs so that i can rape them without struggle. horrible thought, isn’t it….?
The next morning, my manager came into my apartment and looked around at ALL of the damage. then she pounded on the bedroom door, where i was sleeping. i didn’t sleep much and still don’t, Insomnia is a burdon sometimes….
so when i heard her pound, i yelled “WHO THE FUCK IS IT?” out of anger of disrupting my slumber. she said “your manager…” I opened the bedroom door and asked “what do you want?” She went on complaining about the damage to my apartment. she said that it was excessive. i told her that that was the reason i put a damage deposit. but i knew damn well that the damage exceeded the damage deposit amount. so then i stopped caring about everything… i didn’t even want to do any drugs that day… that is how much i did not care. by nightfall i became extremely bored so i told my “friend” to acompany me on a quest for some fun… he asked jokingly “are we going to break into some cars?” in reply i said “no, we are just going to go on a walk and go into random cars and take shit.” i don’t dso that shit on a regular basis, i was just extremely bored. not to justify my actions or anything…
later that night my “friend” and i got caught by the cops and go arrested… i knew it was going to happen. i had a gut feeling. so i allowed it to happen. my “friend” ran from the cops while i just stood there. i took him with me to drag him down with me. we spent 20 days in county jail and he got out 1 day before me. when i got out, i walked 21 miles west to my town where i lived recently. when i got there no one i knew was home so i walk a total of 65 miles that one day. now i have no job, money, home, food, car, friends, or family. all i have is my girlfriend. that is all, and the living day by day being stupified off of drugs. but i don’t give a fuck about drugs. i do love my girlfriend, honestly i do. i care too much about her to go and kill myself. if i hadn’t known her, i would be dead right now. and i am truly not afraid of death.

If you have and comments, suggestions, advice, EtC…
Please respond to this post. i am stuck in a rut. i don’t know how to get out of it. i can’t get a place in my name because they said there was $3,458.76 worth the damage. eh, i’m such a disappointment.

!~AtReD~!

By Atred

When we first meet, i can either be the nicest person that you have ever met, or if you fuck me over i WILL be the one person in this whole (infinite) universe that you wish you have never met!!! Other than that, i am a musician (hardcore metal/Gothic Industrial) i also write poems, hate mail, threatening letters to the world, and lyrics. i design text and some other shit, not much, but i like time consuming projects. the only parts of my body that has seen the sun in the past 9 years is my hands and face. i hate the sun!!!!!