Home, Falling, The Kiss

Tears flow down.
From my cheeks they fall,
Unbridled to the bloodstained floor
Where once my defiled body lay.

As the drops strike the wood,
They disappear,
Evaporating into the nothingness
That I so quickly became.
Not that I was anything before.
Life, enjoyed by so many,
To me was a shell,
An empty sphere.
That which was essence,
To me was not.
I lived, but I did not.
Shunned by friends,
Hated by all,
I lived a lie to survive.
To find a meaning to life,
I had to create a life of fantasy.
Wonderful tapestries of tale I wove.
Compassion, commitment, companionship,
All worked their way into my masterpiece.
Sad, too, was my work.
For try as I might,
Toil as I was so apt to do,
All was in vain.
My obsession, focus of my life,
My beautiful work of wonder did,
As so many such creations do,
Fade away in the testing light of life.
All color fled from my pride, until,
At last, what remained always showed through.
The life I had made for myself was seen to be,
As it always had been and forever shall remain,
A bland, meaningless oblivion.
My true self, that empty void,
Was, at last, shown through,
Made plain for the world to gaze upon.
It was in their eyes,
Those somber mirrors looking solemnly back at me,
That I finally came to understand.
My place was not here.
Among these souls, all full of joy,
I could never belong.
It did not sadden me, this revelation.
I had always known myself to be apart.
The reason now clear to me,
I knew my morbid fate.
With my own hand I took my life.
But I regret it not.
As those joyful jewels fall to the floor,
As the memories of times past wash over me,
I can find peace at last.
I am home.

Slipping, stumbling down the steep slope.
Towards that ever-welcome sea I fly.
To drop into it, sinking deeper,
To let its clouded grasp close around me,
To lie in quiet solace,
Entertaining what thoughts may come.
This, above all, I long for.
I seek it, value it beyond Midas’ gift.
The journey to this place,
The toilsome struggle under the merciless sun,
All seems worth it.
Here, at last, I can rest.
Here at last, I am at the cliff’s edge.
Now, at last, I am falling.

Deeply Consuming,
Purely Divine,
Wholly Unholy, Your lips upon me.
Heart Wrenching.
Soul Snatching.
You search.
Patiently probing my innermost being
I love you.
I hate you!
I cannot escape your grasp.
I give freely what I have,
But all I know to offer,
Sates you not.
Nothing I give will ease.
Your undying thirst goes on.
Only that which is not mine,
Only that life deep within me,
Only that soul itself,
Given up to your ghastly coffers
Will appease your hunger,
Leaving me here
To lie in lonely respite.
Gone Forever,
I sleep evermore.