Hope She’s Burns

I just felt i should write this here, as i have no one to tell it to.

I never thought it was possible to hate and want a person so much. I feel that she’s dead to me, and i want her dead. I cant be bothered even looking at her, but at the same time i wish i hadn’t done somethings. I know that i cant hurt her just now, even though i really want to.. you know sometimes violence works out real well… but i’m not that mad yet. I hate her fucking guts.
She means nothing, but how can i not wanna kill her if she’s so insignificant? I lied to her, i liked her, but used her. I’ve done wrong, but i knew what i was doing. I hate myself sometimes, but sometimes i just cant help it, i do it for the fun, and i love it. Now its over, and i want it to start all over again, just to do my mistakes again, i know i would. But it would never be the same, i would still hate her after, and hope she had burned along time ago when i was close, capable of putting my hands around her neck, choking her, bleeding her, feeling the air rush out of her throat to never come back. Do i wish her to die? I though i did, i still do, but i’m not sure anymore. As i write this, it hurts to think about it, it hurts to think about her, it hurts to think about them. Them: all the people that have talked about me, talked behind my back , and they are all her fault. She created them , i saw them everywhere and sometimes i still do. I know its not too normal, but i know i’m not crazy. Sometimes i wish i was, coz it would be so easy, to end it all, kill myself, slit my wrist, hang myself, poison and pain, or hurt them, all the people i cant stand.

Why am i writing this? Oh yes, i have no one to tell. Thats right. ALl my friends…if u call them that.. i cant trust them,just like i cant trust myself, or her. Why is it so complex? Why am i so complicated? I need to talk, but i wouldnt be able to.. everytime i want to.. something reminds me of all the hate, the pain and the fucking fear.. the fear of them talking looking and laughing…but i know one day i will brake.. and then i will be laughing at them, i hope i wont, but i know i will.

Thanks for not reading this. And if u did and are one of those people, i dont even know who they are.. but if u are one of them , understand us. Dont hide what u think, tell us. Fear us? No, understand what we are, because i dont know what we are.. i dont know what I am.. i dont know if there’s more like me. I’m alone sometimes, when i think of myself and think of the other people around me. Please be like me. Or try to, show me i’m someone that u dont hate. I’m not twisted just strange.. her candle is burning next to me now. I keep it alive .. and want to see it die, maybe its her life being burned, maybe my prayers have been answered, and she’s burning right now, like her candle.. the candle that she gave me.