As I sit typing these words, it is Valentine’s Day, a holiday I never celebrated, unless you count when I was a little kid in elementary school and the whole class made little mailboxes out of milk cartons and construction paper and then bought Valentine’s for everybody to stuff into them. (Do they still do that? Is/was it strictly a regional thing? I actually think that’s a sweet tradition and I am not opposed to it. It’s only when Valentine’s becomes “romantic” that I find it so distasteful.) The past three years, my significant other–who feels the same way about the day as I do–and I have celebrated “Bloody Valentine’s” by visiting Warehouse 31, a haunted attraction in Pelham, Alabama. If you too yearn for a more meaningful and less hokey Valentine’s celebration and you aren’t within driving distance of a haunted house doing the “Bloody Valentine’s” thing, you can still send these poignant, poetic Valentines to your person(s) of choice.

Which one is your favorite? I really dig the Chatterer one, and I have to love the Jaws one and the Creature from the Black Lagoon ones. (You gotta love the classics.) I’m also into the Beetlejuice one. But the funniest one, I think, is the Peewee Herman from BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER one. Some good stuff–but where are the slashers?