I just cant do it anymore, get up, go to school and stay all day. The people just arnt right and I just get so depressed because the days drag by and I am attached by the neck, slowley suffocating to death. I can’t do it anymore and I know I need help but my mom is so frustrated that she can’t handle me and is going to make me go live with my aunt and uncle or my grandparents.
She found a place where I can get consuling but I need more then that. My school offers an independant study for ninth grade and my assitant principal was supposed to call and see if an eigth grader could get this because she is afraid to go to school and cannot deal with all the kids. Nobody seems to understand me when I scream at night and nobody can hear my cries in the morning. I’ve missed so much school that my mother is scared she is going to be put in jail, and I sit and wait for something to happen and someone to help me NOW when I’ve
been asking for months. People keep putting me aside and doing other things and forgetting about me.
Every moring I wake up and use the bathroom, then go back to bed for a few more seconds. The second time I get back up I go into the bathroom and shove my finger down my throat so that I feel good enough to go and do something. I get ready and by this time my mother has left to go to her school. And my sister is at her friends house waiting for a ride to school. I wait for eight o’clock then walk to the door, the moment I dread the most is walking out into the morning light and then walking to school. My hand reaches out to the knob then I fall in a mess of tears, crying until my throat is so sore I can’t talk. I look at the clock in the other room, I’ve been crying for and hour, and hour late for school
without an excuse and I can’t even walk out the door. Walking back into my room I take off my bag and sit on my bed and cry until I get sick again. I turn on my music and dread when my mother gets home and sees me here instead of at school. She will end up yelling at me and telling me that if I dont go tomarrow then she’ll call the the school and they’ll send someone to come and get me when nobody understands
that I hate everyone at my school, the teachers, the kids, even my new friends I hate them too for not including me or telling me whats going on. My day is nothing but a haze and I’ve been puking so much that every now and then I’ll get a pain in my stomache and can’t breathe, my mother says that I’ve probaly pulled a muscle in my stomache from puking so much.
I never thought somebody felt the same way I do! I have the exact same problem except I usually don’t cry and I don’t vomit. When I wake up in the morning all that fills my head is the word NO… NO…. NO! I finally get up but all I really wanna do is lay back and sleep, disappear into oblivion. My mom has gone to work and my brother leaves half an hour earlier than me to catch the bus. Well, I just sit in my room, yelling at myself – screaming why the hell I can’t just get a grip and act normally, feel normally…. and go to school. I pack my back, I dress up, I open the door…. But I can’t get any further. I just can’t. I hate everyone at school, I hate them so intensely that the mere sight of them makes my head spin and my stomach turn. So suddenly I’m 5 minutes late…. Then 20… and I give up trying to pursuade myself to get going. Instead I sleep or read…. and hate myself. Then finally when my mom comes home she gives me that disappointed stare and calls me a pussy. Nobody understands me. Nobody knows where I’m coming from. I’m all alone. If I don’t go to school from now my mom will kick me out…. And my father will disown me. What can I do? They don’t know me. They know nothing about me. Do they WANT to? Sometimes I doubt it……..
hi im glad that im not alone…im sorry to hear what ur parents might do to u…maybe u should explain whats going on in ur life hopefully they will listen, mine did…i hope that u will get thru this…..if u need to talk to me jus e-mail me
Thank you so much for your offer, I appreciate it.
I have tried to tell my mom and dad about it. I think that my mom understands, but she just can’t accept it. I’m just trying to pull myself together and get over this “block”.
I’m glad that I’m not alone. Thank you.
No problem, if you really cant deal with all the ppl at school then see if your school offers a homeschool or something. If your mom understands then she might try and help you with that.
-krIztIn