i have no title for this

my life was almost perfect, with martynas in my life, i loved him to death and he loved me back to death, this dickhed jaron ruined everything cuz he was jealous, he told him i cheated on martynas with him and even got friends to beleive him to tell martynas, he was so sad, no one believed me except my friend i lost cuz she commited suicide (i love u brittany) i lost him. i wrote everything i could think of to get him to trust me, but he couldnt he was afraid to get hurt again his best friends girlfriend told me. he still cries about me he cant get over me but he doesnt want to get hurt, i let him read my songs and poems and letters of suicide he threw them away, he said it was bullshit. i cry myself to sleep and it was 5 months ago i think, i have over like 70 scars from cuts becuz my entire life is ruined mainly because he made everything better in my life and he took it all away, im beginning to cry now but oh well, ive been to over 6 different mental institutions and my siucide plan is perfect. im going to hang myself on the day i met him march 8 which gives me like four months to live, i cant stop cutting i cant give life another chance the only way i can restart life again for the 3 time is if he is back in my life or if i fall in love again and he loves me back, which i really doubt will happen in 4 months, i have bipolar, i hear voices from suffering from lonliness, im inces from being mentally insane it feels like no one loves me ne more, im demented, i have no life i cant stop crying i dont know wat it feels like to be happy ne more i can ti dont know how, people hate me for who i am therapy doesnt help medication isnt helping i tried evrything to martynas off my mind even pretending hes dead, or it was all a worthless dream my mother hates me, martynas let me feel wat love really felt like, i would kill for him, suicide seems to be my only way out i need answers! i need help, people to stop fucken tell me to get over him likes its as easy as killing a bug or something, i need help with this from someone with good advice and experience, im crying out for help but no one hears me. im crying now please help me. im dying inside how can people get thru this, i need martynas in my life i keep remembering our forgotten memories, and i never planned to wr5ite this but im searching for help in a different way now. i dont know wat else much to say so i will submit this. i could say more but my hand is hurting from the cuts. goodbye.