I hope i don’t have to miss her.

It was crusty and warm. Comfortable and i didnt want to wake up. But i knew my day was full and so would be everyday that followed, just as all the ones before had been.

I heard her come in, slowly, then creep up on the bed. But this morning she didn’t crawl under the covers with me, like she had every morning for the last 5 years. this morning she just sat at the foot of my bed. I didn’t think anything of this and started to sit up in bed.
I brushed the crust from my eyes, coughed up something brown and started to pull on some pants. She just sat there and watched me.
I pulled on my boots and tied my rat’s nest of hair back and said “good morning” and finally looked at her.

The side of her face was red.

Thick blood dried down her front.

“awe, baby” i walked to her and held her face in my hands trying to get a closer look. She was in pain, her flesh felt warm through her soft white hair.
I cheked the clock, i had to leave. I wouldn’t be able to see her again till the next afternoon. I gave her a kiss on the forehead and walked out the door.

The next day, when i got home from work she was sitting in the front yard, just staring out into space. She looked so pathetic, so sad, the blood had dried to a thick dark brown. When i went through the front door she followed me into the house. I turned on a light and took a closer look at her wound that was now an open leaking gash across her soft cheek. Angry red and yellow swirls drooled out of the side of her face.
She was running a fever. I could see the cut had gone straight to the tip of her ear. Her eyes were very blank, she made no noise. Just looked at me.

She sat on the couch and watched me for a long while, as i tried to think of something. I have no money, i hardly have money for the public transportation i take every day. How could i afford to take care of this? doctors cost so much when you don’t have insurance. I deided i’d at least try. I picked up the phone book and strted to call around. i found somebody who’d take us in. it’s cost me 100$ and she didn’t have a slot open till the following day at 2:30. I’d have to call off school, work and the time iwas goig to spend with my husband, so i could look after her. Why is it that someone so young and innocent could follow so close behind their elders whe they’ve seen what it gets them.
I had been a fighter. I knew thats what this was from. I got the battle scars, but this is aweful. This is a little too much, and i can’t be angry with her. not with that gash staring at me like that.
So now is when i just sit and wait for 2:30 toorrow. Sit. Wait. Watch, Listen.

It’s so infected. only 24 hours and i fear for her life.

She’s been there with me.
She’s watched me shoot smack and detox.
She’s seen me in and out of hospitas for all sorts of reasons.
She saved my life once when nobody else would have even found me till i as at least 10 degrees cooler.

but now all i can do is give her back the love and affection she’s given to me. and hope tht she won’t get any worse tonight.
I miss her being bubbly and happy.
I hope thats all i’ll have to miss.

1 comment

Comments are closed.