Went back to work last Sunday. There wasn’t much to do, Amanda was at her friends house playing with their new Christmas toys and the apartment was clean. Cindy, my boss, made me some food. Usually it’s the other way around but it was still my day off. I hadn’t eaten,”Eat! I don’t want none of that anorexic shit around here”
She went out, came back, and took a nap. When Amanda came back home I felt as though it was time to get back to work. I’m supposed to take care of this kid for a living, but I’m starting to get protective….as though she were my own. “Amanda, go get your things ready, school starts tomorrow.” Just as I’m sitting down to do some reading Cindy heads toward the door in a tight black sundress with little red cherries printed all over it. “If I go get something to drink you wanna party with me?”
“Sure”
“What’s your drink honey?”
“Anything hard”
“Tequila alright?”
“Great”
“I’ll be right back.”
I wondered what was gonna happen. Surely, the most that can happen, I get drunk, she get’s drunk, she passes out, I set the alarm and pass out so that I’m up in time to take ‘manda to school.
A few minutes later Cindy stumbles through the door. “Jeezus, your fucked up already???”
“I took my pills before I left and had a little some some at the liquor store. I ffffucked up me Lexus.” Slurrs out of her mouth.
“Shit, you need to be careful.”
“It ain’t nothin money won’t fix. Money Fixes Everything.”
She cuts some limes into wedges and brings over the salt. I get two tumbler glasses out of the pantry and set them on the table. We begin. She pours me a glass, I pour hers, lick some salt, bite the limes and down the tequila. As she poured my second glass, she was already too fucked up to even pour INTO the glass and poured half the bottle onto the table. We pounded a few more and she was ready for bed. She stumbled to her room and at the door she asked if I could keep her some company. “Sure, just let me put these glasses away.” She took the bottle with her.
When I got into the room, she was lying there….looking as though she was asleep but she got up to turn on the television. I sat on the bed and she walked over to me and showed me her arm. “I fucked myself up when you were gone. I just woke up and they were there. Just like when I fell off the second story, I don’t rmemeber jumping, I just blacked out.”
She made me think. This bitch is 40 and she’s still suicidal. God I hope I don’t end up like her. “You got a little girl in there who really needs you. You can’t keep doing this shit.” I scolded her.
“I know I Know, but I need you..”
Uh oh….that can’t be good. “You need some sleep.”
She turns off the lamp, rolls into bed, and starts kissing my neck. I looked for the bottle of tequila and finished it off. I was gonna need it.
“I need you so bad” she says. “Come one, I want you right now. I want you buck naked. I want you all over me”
She pulled down her dress to expose her Huge breasts. I stared. I thought…..”Why does this have to be….of all people….my BOSS. The one female I live with 5 days out of the week. I can’t do anything with her. Things’ll be wierd. Wait a minute….I’m DRUNK! Why the fuck do I have a conscious NOW???”
She’s rubbing me and trying to get my top of, feeling my breasts and in between my legs
“Mmmmmm…..Come on” she whispers “fuck me”
I couldn’t. She put my hands on her little waist and sucked on my lips….I couldn’t. “You need some sleep”
“Please….Please…come on….just a little. What, you’ve never been with a girl before?”
“Honey, I’ve been doing naughty things with girls since before I went through puberty. But you’re tired. Besides, I need to go to the bathroom.”
“I paid a woman once to sleep with me…”
“Did you like it?”
“MHMMMMM”
“Ok then, you wait here, I just need to use the bathroom really quick”
And I got away. 5 minutes and she was out. I went outside and had some smokes while I called Brian to tell him what was going on. I was so confused. I needed my friend. “Why didn’t you invite?!!!” was what he said. After explaining what happened I cried. I felt guilty. I was actually a good girl. And my boyfriend….I felt so bad. Did I cheat? I’ll have to tell him, I don’t want him thinking I was untrue to him. I felt sick and Brian told me to throw up. I did and took a cold shower as well. I wanted him to go over so bad….I needed the company, but I’m glad he didn’t go cause I was whining like a little bitch. “What should I do?”
“Honestly, don’t wanna say because I don’t wanna be selfish…I want you to come home, but now….You SHOULD come home. This bitch has too many problems and they’re not yours.”
“I can handle it though…”
“I know you can, but it’s not about that. That bitch tried to kill herself and was in the hospital 3 days. She made you a MOM for three days and you didn’t even get extra pay, what’s more you were sick one day and she only paid you $80 for the WHOLE week??? You don’t need this shit. Come home.”
That friday I told Cindy that it’d be my last day there. I quit. I didn’t tell her exactly why. She didn’t remember. I miss Amanda. I learned a lesson. You can be strong for yourself and for others….but you have to choose Wisely who you’re gonna be strong For.