She slammed the door and pulled the window down shut, hard enough to almost shatter the glass. Lamia threw herself onto her bed and screamed through her sobs, cursing Jaryd, cursing the day, cursing everything as the tears coursed down her red-tinged cheeks.
“WHY?? WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME LIVE?! WHY WON’T YOU LET ME DIE?!” she screamed, in a rage.
She lay on her bed, sobbing and crying for what seemed an eternity. then sat up and grabbed her silver dagger off the bedtable. She fingered the point with on hand, wiping tears with the other, then picked it up by the handle, and slashed into her wrists, four on the left, five on the right. Not deep enough to kill her, but not shallow enough not to bleed a lot.
Lamia settled down into a deep, dreamless sleep, still crying, and letting the blood soak into her sheets.
Hours later, she awoke and looked at her alarm clock. 7:42pm. She’d been asleep for around five hours. She groaned softly, and looked at her wrists. Blood was caked down her arms and fingers, and mostly around her wrists, where the cuts were. Lamia shook her head, clearing the fuzz from her mind, and walked over to her computer, not bothering to wash the blood from her hands.
She logged into a journal site she often wrote in, and started typing her feelings, her day, and what she had just done out. She paused for a moment and turned on her Acid Bath cd to “Bleed Me An Ocean” and signed onto an Instant Messanger program.
Jaryd IM’d her as soon as she signed in. ‘i’ve been trying to call for hours. where were u?’
‘unconious,’ she replied.
‘what? y??’ he asked, worried.
‘i slit my wrists nine times,’ she typed calmly.
A pause, then he returned, ‘are u bleeding to death?’
She sighed. ‘no’
More silence. ‘good,’ he said. ‘were u trying to die?’
She paused, then wrote back ‘no. just to hurt.’
He responded quickly, ‘y did u want to hurt?’
She sighed and rubbed her forehead with one hand, then began typing back. ‘because i’m suffering. because i’m tired of hurting inside. and sometimes bleeding takes that inside pain away. but i found out today. i cant bleed enough to rid myself of the darkness in me. i can’t. and i promised i wouldnt die to you. so here i am. suffering.’
She paused again, then wrote, ‘WHY WON’T YOU LET ME DIE?!’
Seconds passed, and turned into minutes, and still no response. She wiped angrily at the tears on her face, and set back to typing her journal quietly.
The IM window flashed and Jaryd had said ‘do u want me to die?’
She sighed and wrote back ‘no, i told you that when you asked me the first time. but i don’t understand…’
She watched the window for a response for a few minutes. Silence, again. Always silence and distance from him. Lamia couldn’t understand it anymore than she could bear it.
She turned back to her journal, writing in the last bit of detail, and not even acknowledging the flash of the IM window. When she finished and saved her entry, she clicked back into it. ‘because i love u’ Jaryd’d said. She closed her eyes for a few minutes, then wrote back ‘i love you too. but i’m going now. we’ll talk more later’ and signed off.