I’M LOSING MYSELF

It was dark outside, although I had to stand up and go. I was walking in the streets. I couldn’t fallow my thoughts, and the road was stretching and stretching…

It was dark outside, although I had to stand up and go. I was walking in the streets. I couldn’t fallow my thoughts, and the road was stretching and stretching…
Suddenly I realize that I have no where to go… I looked around and I saw that I was standing in the middle of crossroad. There were four roads to take, and how should I guess which one is right or wrong? How to make right move and not to fell down?
1 road: I see people, people without faces, without individuality, and no one cares if they lost there soul, no one cares being a slave of this life.
2 roads: I see the church, and I’m happy, finally I find the right place, and suddenly I see how the horns are growing. It’s not a house of the god anymore, there I won’t be able to get help and understanding, no one will give me his hand. I’m dispread…
3 road: it’s very dark there, very dark… instead of the ground there is fear, I hardly can see the several people who try to fight, who chose the hardest road, which is unbearable. I see a person who tries to, reach the sun, he almost there, the have to make just few steps, but he can do that. He fells on his knees, now the pain is twice bigger, and he screams, tears are felling from eyes, he has no power to move. And he dies.
I was crying because of what I have seen. Now I doubt in everything.
4 road: in the end of the road I see a room. There is a girl, she is sitting on the chair, she’s crying. She is looking at someone’s picture, than she grabs it and holds it right next to her heart. Her eyes were telling all her pain, sadness, and hopelessness…
She takes a knife and cuts her veins. Blood was coming like a waterfall, her eyes were opened. Picture falls down, and suddenly it was covered with her blood…
After all I have seen I’m terrified and sacred. I don’t know what is the hope anymore. Thoughts in my head are confusing me, making me mad. I no longer want to live; I lost my passion, my dream. I’m looking for the light, which will guide me, help me. I’m only 15 years old and I want to die. It seems to me, that the day I was born, I lost the yearn towards the life. I WAS BORN DEAD. I’m afraid of every day that comes. I’m afraid of myself. I don’t know for what should I live, to whom it will be pleasant, to whom I’m necessary don’t know.
I lost the religion when I was 13. I lost my hope, the holiness; I’m losing my friends and MYSELF.
I will reach the aim; I will not be the shadow anymore, but all this is just a word that means nothing anymore. I can’t change everything I am, the world and the battle in my head for survival. I let myself to die.
I’m confused. And I’m very tired of life, of lies, of people and I’m tired of MYSELF. And I want to die…

By EyesInMorgue

I HATE MYSELF AND I WANT TO DIE!

26 comments

  2. O yeaaaaaaaa.i like it,I jus like do all that stuff:)))
    Respect
    pain_limit

  4. I’m tierd shit i must go to school tomorow,i usualy hawe a stres in that place.What i must do…..o wait i see now a horor film okei bey…>:)

  8. If you don’t know what to say,don’t say norhing…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. Shit stupid cat…do you have a knife??
    I hawe to kill my cat..its makes shit in the rooms..dum ass!!!!!

  12. Well.hmm thats good..
    Now i thinkig..my mother will vorie where is cat..allrigth today i be peacfull..shit!

  18. It was alright. You should proof read it though, maybe even check it in word so that other people won’t think “How stupid, she can’t even spell”

  19. now i’m fucking angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  20. Shit..i want to falow my black wision not to folow your stupid adishon..
    You get angry when i say..
    why you so angry,don’t you want to stay
    you said that it is inaff you want to falow your girlfriend and leave me now
    i lost words to say
    i open my moth and thinking what i’m must say
    and normal people will understand i’m so stupid fore this world
    they hawe proths to put me down i’m must save my memories inside
    i must figth whit all the power
    and afturall i’m gona kik your ass fore the pain that you gave me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  21. Oh, for goodness sake must you whine at every single post about proof reading and grammer? Try to see past that and appreciate what people have to say before you drive us all insane. Using word spell check yourself doesn’t give you the right to act condescending towards everyone else around here. Maybe some constructive crits other than ‘use capital letters’ will help people to improve their writing.

    ~Lady~

  24. mYsIcKnEsS not you..but stupid boy who not know about my feelings..i’m dam fucking mad at all world..dam!!!!!!!

  25. mYsIcKnEsS not you..but stupid boy who not know about my feelings..i’m dam fucking mad at all world..dam!!!!!!!

Comments are closed.