im pretty damn emotional right now…

Nothing is solid. i cant even track theses feelings to the core. i dont know whoes judgment i can trust, who i can look to for guidence and strength. The wisest person i know and who i have repected untill very recently, is flying in the face of everything that i thought was right.

My mother taught me values and standars that i could always see the logic in. Now she is undermining these. She does things now that leave me deeply hurt. i dont have to think about her actions or twist them, they just shock me and hurt me to the core.
I got up the nerve to confront her, i knew for sure that i was right and that she would listen and we could talk rationally and then…. bango! my entire case is gone, its me who has been behaving terrably, me who is responsible for hurting her somehow, me who has turned into the monster. Im a bad person.
Yet i still value her oppinion. she has always been justified in what she thinks and does. i can see the logic in it too, imnot just brainwashed. So is she right? she has put doubt in every part of my life, my partner Steven adn our relationship, my sexula behavior, my independence, my emotions my reasoning, my depression which she always used to help me through. I was not dependent on her, simply respectful of her. The confrontation tonight has hit me pretty hard.

I hate this world so much and im drifting further from it. Another tie just came loose. Im very upset right now


  1. Hang in there as long as possible, if she is guilty then her own guilt will dispatch her into her own living hell…. good days bad days, right ways wrong ways, all i can say is ” embrace the pain “.

  2. Don’t put your mom on this pedestal that she can’t maintain. Nobody can never make mistakes.
    I have that kind of faith in my mom – I’d trust her with my life, but she’s made mistakes too. And she’s let me down, just like I’ve let her down.

    I know you’ve done things you regret – so tell her so. Be open to the chance you might be wrong.
    Learn why she does things that hurt you – maybe she’s just not as strong as you expect her to be. So stop expecting it. She’s just a person after all.

    Everybody forgets that people are just human beings, who fail and fuck up, and then we lose faith in them.
    It’s hypocritical really since we fail all the time, and are deeply hurt when people lose their faith in us.

    Just don’t lose your ties with your mom, you should keep hold of her. Not because she’s your mom, but because you really need her – deep down. Otherwise this wouldn’t have affected you the way it has.

  3. It’s good that you value her opinion and respect her, and that’s important, but don’t let her opinion become worth more than your own. Be true to yourself and who you are. Perhaps taking a step back is the best thing you can do. Try to see things from her perspective, see her motivations and influences, then look at your own. There must be a compromise somewhere. I’ll bet neither one of you are completely right or completely wrong, there will be overlaps, you just have to figure out where they are, and try to make it work.
    My mum is my best friend, and she’s always been there for me, but we don’t always agree with each other. And that’s okay, because we’re not the same person, and were never meant to be. You’re not a bad person, just a different one.
    Think about both sides, and perhaps try talking again, but choose your moment carefully, be calm and logical, and make sure she knows that you do understand where she’s coming from and will still respect her opinion, even if you don’t necessarily agree with it.

  4. do not, i repeat, do not try to start blaming yourself. you have no idea what all is going on in your mother’s life right now. maybe she is having problems and doesn’t know how to deal with them. she’s taking her anger out on you.

    don’t let her get to you. you know what you stand for is right, never let anyone make you second guess your beliefs.

    e-mail me again. i’d still like to talk.


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