topic/category thing : Darkness
cant even look my friends and family in the eye because it just makes me want to cry, theres a really strange feeling that begins in my throat and goes right down to the pit of my stomach, , it peaks to a really undescribable, in a way i spose high, feeling – like when you go over high bumps in a car or someting – at the basic line of the heart and stomach, only it isnt a good type of feeling like it’s comparison.
it hurts to swallow and it hurts to talk, it hurts to talk physically and mentally because you know when your talking to someone that theres no emotion in it, and that theres no real thought or enthusiasm or interest at all in that theyre saying and that affects both them and you.
it feels utterly desgusting to be in this body and to be looking at the world around…and you feel totally paranoid about the people close to you all the time watching…waiting for things to go haywire and fuck up, and it gets to you so fucking much that things do fuck up but it’s only because of the way youve been to them.
so every thing is you fault..it always is, eveything hurts and every passing car, every passing tree you just want to drive into and every knife in the drawer or sharp tool in the shed you just want to plunge into your throat or heart.