Its like that, and that’s the way it is

Well, wish I could say I am having a good day today. But I am not, had a moment’s rememberance of the past. I was looking in the yearbook for the year I should have graduated. I read all of my “friend’s” write-ups. Reading them made me question myself. Not a single one of them who professed to be my friend mentioned me. Then for the following year for the new “friends” I made, only one mentioned me (at least it was one of the ones who mattered). I am looking forward to this year’s yearbook.

Sitting here looking around I think about the email my current girlfriend sent me last night. I read it after an altercation we had. In it she wrote of thanks and praise for me being the way I am towards her. I show her the paths to walk. I know of some of the pains she’s going through. She’s becoming more confident in herself with each passing day. Before her boyfriends used and abused her (one boyfriend would toss her down stairs), and now there is me, I could never hit her out of anger. If she only knew why I was helping to make her a better person, it would likely shatter her. I know she’s aware that eventually we won’t be together (when I go to college), and so I prepare her for that day. I see scars on her wrist, legs, where ever she coulld get at with a razor. I don’t want her to die, she’s too special to die that way. I wonder and ponder how she would react if she knew I didn’t love her as much as she loves me. I need her right now for most of the time she keeps me in focus, without her as an anchor I would be adrift in loneliness. My best friend is leaving the province on the 20th of this month, just 11 days from now. She IS the best friend I have ever had, or will have. She is the only one who ever truly gave a damn about me and how I was doing. She’s the only one who would comfort me in my times of woe, would tell me what I needed to hear, say the things I kew already so I would smarten up. She’s everything I would want in a friend. I love her more than Erin (a girl who broke my heart deeply and completely, who moved away before I could make amends for the things I said, who I would crawl back to given the chance) and I guess that’s why it hurts to know it may be several years before I get to see her again in person. I’ll never trust another like I do her.Even now with a test looming in the future (in 8 minutes), with a corespondence course due at the end of the month or I don’t graduate, I can think only of her…Got to run, test to cram for (as if it will work)