I’ve lost

I’m losing it,
all I had was my self-control,
my thoughts
And one friend

Now I have nothing
How it happened,
I’ll never know
I’m just not here,
people look
but they don’t see me
unless their looking for an outcast,
a scapegoat

Then I’m there,
For them to mock
Then I’m there,
For them to abuse
I run away,
I have to talk

I turn to my friend,
She walks right past
I call,
And she looks right through me

I let it lie
Just a mistake,
Or so I thought
Whenever I’m there,
She doesn’t see
Whenever I speak,
She doesn’t hear

I turn away,
Its happened before
I’ve lost my friend,
I turn to my thoughts
I need an explanation

All I find is chaos
My demented twisted thoughts
Writhing and screaming,
Crying and raging
Demanding an answer

What have we done,
Why is our friend gone
Closer than our sister
Find an answer force an answer
Where has our sister gone

Self-control is all I have
I bury my treacherously screaming thoughts,
Smothering them with it
I don’t have time

I need to get all this done
What I do now is the rest of my life
It has to be done
I have to get this done

I go every day,
Go and watch my self-control slip away

I sit hunched over the book,
Looking for that elusive quote,
I have to finish my essay
A ball of paper bounces off my head

I ignore it
The pratt’s friends follow suit,
More paper,
Something solid cracks off my head
The teacher looks up and nobody speaks

That will bruise,
Something snaps inside my head
Suddenly voices in my head;
Find an answer force an answer
Where has out sister gone

Why has our friend gone
I shut off that line of thought
My self control fragile as glass,
Is cracking slowly
Now at last

I fear to lose the only thing
That I have left,
I dread to shed that final tear
To watch my self-control

To late its gone
I’m left with my thoughts
Screaming, writhing

The pain the blood
The only thing that shuts them up
My artificial self-control
Never do I want to turn

To that again
Oh dear, oh god
Help me please
Oh wait I forgot,
At the least you’re evil

I hate you
I hate the world
It hates me
I shed my blood and bleed to death
The only thing that makes any sense,
On this godforsaken earth

By Twisted_Thoughts

Insane - me in one word. though other words that could be used are: useless, stupid, pathetic, friendly, foul tempered, good natured, selfish and an all round living contradiction to myself