just a thought to ponder

im a younger generation ‘goth/metalhead’, and i suppose going by what i have read on this site that im a subject to ridicule for being a ‘poser’, but i dont see how people can label others as this without even knowing them and getting that small glimpse into their mind and soul.

i mean i have been fucked up over who i am and what i wanna be for years, and ive always been ahead of and most certainly different to most people i know in respect of the way i think and act and what i believe in. which isnt much, but i spose it’s more then what i trust in. anyway i read over all this goth poser crap and the you cant be a goth cos you werent around when it started or you werent born into it… if thats how you want it to be then the whole concept will just die and wouldnt that be great? and i figure thatd be like saying you cant become a cop because your father wasnt one being gothic isnt hereditary and it isnt just a thing for those who were around when it first started out. i mean fair enough to call someone a poser because you know for a fact that for the past however many years theyve been alive theyve been totally ‘normal’ as society calls it and then all of a sudden theyre fully decked in black with make up and the works claiming to be gothic, but still listening to their n’sync c.d’s and discussing their favorite shampoos with their friends that has poser written all over it! it’s on the inside, it’s in the mind, it’s in your heart and it’ll be in the air around you, it’s how you think, it’s how you feel, it’s how you treat the people around you, it isnt all depression and angst, and it’s not all suicide and death wishes. personally i started thinking along these lines when i was 13 and it’s taken me three years to develop into it this far, and i’ll be the first to tell you that im still a ‘halfcast’ as some might say, im still learning new things about life and about myself as im only 16 so one would assume that it’s just a passing phase, the whole ‘needs to be noticed type thing that us ‘crazy teens’ are always getting up to. but who i have become and what i have become a part of to this small extent, has filled so much of that little hole i had inside and im happy, ive never been happier in my 16 years of existence becuase being the ‘dark and dreary’ person on the outside is lending a hand in releasing all of the shit on the inside and keepin it all balanced out . I dont mind the critisism that i get from my family or other people around me, because at the end of the day to family it doesnt really matter, and to the others, well they dont matter because i dont care if i have one friend to every ten people or every hundred people in the street that look at me in disgust those friends are what matter and if theyre true, then they’ll understand you, or at least try no matter what!