Just getting some feelings out

( its not a poem, )
Sometimes when I’m all alone, I take off my mask and my face turns to stone. I start to think about my life, would it hurt if I died? Why do I keep living when the ones I need are so far away? Why is happiness something i don’t exeperience so much? Am I cursed?, Kill yourself Joseph, do it! But i can’t, I live because of my friends and my family. I could commit suicide and shit on my friends, because it’s my life, but somehow they own a part of it, and tell me not to do it, they wan’t to see me laugh and smile, but when I tell them that my life is a hell that i revisit everyday, they look like they care, but 2 hours later they forget, and don’t give me any fucking respect at all. They know how i feel but they shit on my feelings, even if it is for fun, i can’t help thinking about it later, making me hate myself even more. I wan’t to be goth, but how? you can’t just become gothic, but i wan’t to be different, i wan’t people to leave me alone, i’ve read many gothic posts, and even talekd to a few, they seem to feel the same way i do, but they are so far away. When i tell my friends that i wan’t to “become a goth”, they call me a wannabe, a fucking wannabe, in this world everyones a wannabe just because they wan’t to be something totally different, i don’t understand…..i’m sorry that i wrote as much as this, i will stop now, or else no ones ever gonna care. I just had to get some feelings out…don’t have to comment..