Sometimes I feel so alone and so empty and it’s like no one understands. I want to remember what it’s like to smile again, i want to actually know what my laugh sounds like again, not just remember things from my memories.
I can’t talk to my friends, all they ever see is my mask, and even if I let them see the real me I doubt they’d get it. All they see is the cute little spoiled rich girl. They don’t know what I’ve been through, my past, my present. They don’t feel the tears of pain that fall from my eyes. Why? Because I don’t really think they care, because if they did wouldn’t they see past all the lies I tell them? wouldn’t they ask what’s wrong when I just get up to leave class everyday. I’ve only let one person know what goes on in my head and he told me that it scared him. It hurt so bad, and it’s horrible because I’m still with him. I love him so much, and he is one of the only good things that is in my life right now. His name’s Jamie, he’s everything I could ask for, he even got up early before I came over and made me pancakes. But sometimes he says things or does things that leave me confused, maybe I’m just so paraniod from all that I’ve been through, but I just don’t know what to do. I don’t even know why I’m writing, or even what I’m writing, I just wanted things off of my chest, but it seems that I’ve only touched the surface of a few small things. I’ve seen the doctors and been on the pills but nothind seems to help, I’m still here, I’m still confused as fuck and I’m still wondering what the hell is wrong with me.