I’ve read over the comments on The Ignored, The Weak, The Dead, and I realize that it may have not been the best story, but then I recall–darn I missed some many things, I went straight for the pain, I did’t realize where it began–so this is where I’ll start–again…
Ahh…the joy of going to school to the cafeteria in the morning to see all your friends. Hug each on with a “hi”. I would talk to Shannon, Gwen, and Nicole until the bell would ring. If only they knew the secret my mother made me keep. I didn’t really tell my mom…she sorta found out. She went to my website one night and asked: “What’s all this shit about you being gay?” I would look up to her cold green eyes and tell her that none of it is a lie. Though she stare at me for a few minutes trying to figure her new daughter out she didn’t say much as she deleted the site and left my room. I went to school the next day, I wanted to tell my friends that I was truely gay. I was frightened that someone would talk behind my back or worse leave me to my own. The pressure of my mom continued, she urged me to keep quiet, if I didn’t she would kick me out of the house. So I did as she say, I wasn’t going to mention anything about being gay. Every conversation I lied to my friends and myself as they would talk about guys and how ‘pretty’ they were. Though they started to catch on when I accidently mentioned a girl I had been talking to, it kinda slipped that really she’d been gay. I told my friends one by one that I was gay, and yes I knew I seriously was. None of them stared at me, no one thought differently of me, I couldn’t believe that none of them left. The joy of knowing that I had wept of something I thought would turn out sad when really all I had to do is be honest with them. I came home that very same day not knowing what my mother would say if I told her that I had to tell my friends that I was gay. I knocked on my mom’s bedroom door and she invited me in. “Mommy,” I said to her, “I was talking to my friends today and I found a way to let them know that I was gay.” She stood up facing me, with not much more height than mine and slapped me across the face, “You better hope this doesn’t get out.”
I went to my room with no regrets of telling my friends they had promised to be there for me until the end. I went to sleep dreaming about the girl I had fallen in love with and I knew how happy she made me. Going to school the next day somehow everyone I saw knew I was gay. I knew it wasn’t Shannon, Nicole, or Gwen who had spread it around, for I knew they wouldn’t stab me so hard in the back. I went to my “weekend” friends and held a conversation with them. “You said you were openly gay.” One said to me. “Yeah, that didn’t mean tell the world, just fucking great. You know what, thank you so freaking much.” I walked away and with everyone I passed a finger was pointed at me and whispers were said. The little voices that I had to hear I just wanted to scream for the weight on my shoulders was growing to heavy. I made it to lunch until a small tradgedy struck someone started yelling at the top of their lungs “She’s gay, she’s gay!” Pointing their fingers down at me. I stood up and my brother charged the boy that wanted to emparress me, I couldn’t help that it was the truth. A friend of my brother’s held him back as the boy lain on the floor bleeding from his nose. I looked down on the boy and said “Pity.” I walked away from the cafeteria and Shannon followed we talked about everything.
I went home with a gittery feeling, the feeling of sudden sickness and cold. I went to go for my room when my mom stopped me. “What did you do?!” “What are you talking about?” I asked. “Your brother is up in his room upset as hell, why the hell did you let this get out?”
“GEE! I’m so very sorry your so ashamed of me! I’m tired of being the turtle in her shell! WHY CAN’T YOU ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM?”
I was slapped and sent to my room. With the warning of if I didn’t “fix” what I started I was going to be kicked out. So I had to “fix” everything by telling everyone that I really wasn’t gay, that everything the people say was only for that day. It didn’t matter what I did, it would always be there, who would believe a freshman anyway? If there was something to gossip and spread it made people happy, no matter who’s life it ruined. I went home with the satisfaction that some were still by my side, though I had to return to my shell, stay there to hide. I tried to tell my my mom, she always went back to “I know they hurt you.” When really everything that the people said didn’t bother me, I didn’t care who or what they thought I was I am and always going to be me. Yet somehow when the child comes to school with their daddy’s knife or gun people always seemed to be stunned. I don’t know why. They think that every child is goodie and doesn’t make fun of those who are different. What’s wrong with your views, why do you think everyone should be you? So in closing I’ll say, just because someone is white, black, purple, straight, bi, gay, why treat them any different? They are still the same person and they are human beings, treat them as one not as a thing, because we all come from our mothers. We are all created by our fathers, we are all the same.
(Thanks for the comments on the first story I wrote about my homosexuality. I sorry I didn’t make some points clear, but here is where I stand today, I am and forever going to be gay 🙂 I am happy as me even though I must continue to live a short lie. Love to Shannon, Gwen, and Nicole who are always there for me. Thanks you guys. And to the readers, I hope this is better)