Loss. Of a loved one, of a life, of a soul. How can one person touch you so deeply? You left me. Left me standing there all alone in the middle of the cobbled street. People bustled around me, jostling, all going somewhere, but where was I going? No-where without you. I stood like a statue, alone, still, lost like a child crying for its mother. I cried for you. I cried as I watched your retreating back, swathed in a black cloak and hood, you looked like a rich man, you looked like a monk, you looked mysterious, but I knew who you really were. I knew why you were here, but not why you had to leave. Did you? Did you know why you were here? You were here to love me. You were brought here by some mystical force to teach me how to live again, and you did. You taught me why the sun shines, you showed me how to laugh again, and you crumbled the wall I’d unknowingly built around my heart. You showed me how to love with more passion than I had ever thought possible. Then you left me. Left me to fend for myself in a cruel world of manipulative people. My defenses down, by soul exposed.

And so I stand here, watching you retreat, not looking back, too afraid you may have to stay if you ever turned around. How could you? How could you leave?! You promised me you would be forever by my side. Promised me you would never leave me alone again. You did once, many years ago, when I didn’t even know who you were. I’d forgotten, until you came into my life again. A new life, a different person, both you and I. Why? Why did you have to come? I was safer before you, I knew how the world worked, I knew how to live without ever having to risk myself, sacrifice my emotions. They were hidden well, they were safe. But you, you brought them out, showed them how to be free and they enjoyed it. Why would you do that and then leave? How did you leave? I could never have done it. Or did you not feel as you claimed? Did you never love me? Did you only wish to hurt me more? What did I ever do but love you? Need you? Live for you?

As I stand in the jostling street, I cry tears of loss, tears of the soul, yet as I feel them leave wet trails down my cheeks, I know what I must do. I let the tears fall, let my soul seep out of my body, my spirit is broken, and so must be disposed of. All that you taught me is worth nothing. But one lesson you did not realize you had taught is priceless. You have shown me how to be strong; I shall rebuild the wall that once you felled. I shall rebuild it so that it cannot crumble. I will not be hurt again, by anyone. I shall never leave my heart unprotected. For if I do, I know I will surely die.
You left me. Left me standing there all alone in the middle of the cobbled street. People bustled around me, jostling, all going somewhere, and now I too am going somewhere, I am going to that little known place where it is safest not to love, where it is safest not to feel, not to want and certainly not to need. Even as I watch you, swathed in that black cloak and hood, retreat into the crowd, gone forever, I close the drawbridge to my castle, and fill the moat to overflowing. Never again. Never again… I am now dead to the world, for I am safe inside.

(Sorry about the corny love thing people, I wrote this a while ago and was just feeling kind of… I don’t know, frustrated I guess.)

By Audryn

I search for truth and understanding...