Life Shouldn’t Be Pain

For the longest time, I cut myself to see if I could still feel. I cut to make sure I was alive. Every time I had a bad day, every time something went wrong, I sliced my skin.

Some people do it for the blood. Personally, I’ve never had a fascination with blood. At least, not my own. I did it for the pain. Not because it felt good, but because I knew that it was real. They weren’t ever deep cuts. I have never once used a razor blade. I read all these stories and I see razor blades as what you would use. I personally, always used a safety pin. They are so innocent looking I suppose. Why am I telling you all this? Well, to show you that I’m still here I guess. A friend and I decided that we wanted to stop cutting. There was no particular reason to stop, we just knew that if our parents one day found out, they would make us go see a doctor. Neither of us wanted this. Well, for almost a month now, I haven’t cut once. There have been times when I craved the pain so badly that I would lie on my floor crying my eyes out. I was crying for more pain. Well, I think it gets easier every day, to not cut that is. I still want it but, I dont want some one some day to see and ask me about it. Well, last night, my friend told me she cut. She had slipped up before and given into the craving. She always had a reason to. But, last night, there was no reason. She just did it. And, I couldn’t understand. I had had enough of promises. So many thoughts ran through my head. Life shouldn’t be pain. Life should be happiness. We always told each other we would only cut if it was worth it. The thing is, it’s the total oppisite. Something is worth it if you dont have to cut. I know that it’s hard to explain but, you know that you being upset over something is worth being upset over if you have no need to cut. If you can just take it. Because it wasn’t meant to hurt you. Things aren’t worth your pain if they were meant to hurt you, if they tried to make you feel that way, if there was an intent. Very few things are meant to hurt you in this world. We should learn from these bad times. Grow. I know how different this is from every other entry I’ve ever had. Even slightly optimistic. I’ve been through a lot of pain in my life. Every day is a struggle. All the fear, all the pain, all the disappointments that one faces in just one day is enough to end it right there. I realize this all too well. It’s scarey sometimes, seeing the way the world really is. But it doesn’t have to be. You create your own circumstances. You create your own luck and love. This world is yours. And you should treat it that way. I know that every creature on this planet is beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, yes. But at least for every person on earth, there is at least one other person that thinks you are beautiful. It’s a shame when something that beautiful gets hurt. It makes me cry to see other people in pain, because I would never want anyone to have to go thru what I have. But it’s even worse when something that beautiful hurts itself.

So, to all of my fellow cutters and slicees . . . I’m not preaching to you or telling you to stop. I’m not even trying to be optimistic. I am not and optimist by nature, trust me. But, even tho it seems like this world is always going to be like shit, and it probably will, all I’m saying is, this world isn’t supposed to be shit. It’s not supposed to be sunshine and daisies either. I guess all I’m saying is, everything does happen for a reason. I know it’s cliche, but it never mentioned anything about a good reason. But a reason nonetheless. And when you hurt yourself, you’re hurting others as well. Everything you do affects others. I weep for you my brothers and sisters. I am here to share your pain.


By PoeticChaos

I'm a girl. The only way i can express myself is thru art or writing. I think too much about a lot of things. That's all you need to know.


  1. Very deep. I liked it. Maybe it’s because when I was mad (like seven months ago) I would take a needle and scratch it across my skin. When people asked about it, I said my cat did it. I can still see the scars on my left arm, and I totally regret doing it. It hurt so much. I stopped because I wanted to and now I feel much better. The world isn’t meant out to suck, or to be like shit. Everyone’s to blame in this. I don’t treat all the people I know nicely. I sure they don’t either. But not all people are like that. I’m losing myself here… the point is, life is what you make it out to be.

    For example, if someone makes fun of me or puts me down, I can choose to be really mad at them and get pissed off, or I can choose to just ignore them and/or forget about all that they said. see my point? Also (getting a tiny bit off subject) you shouldn’t care what other people think about you. If you like yourself, that’s fine.

    ps. glad you stopped

  2. although many people cut for different reasons (you mentioned pain and blood), some people cut for other reasons. maybe that pain is what lets them know that their still alive, and some do it because that may be the only thing in their life they feel they have control over.

    cutting is just another way of dealing with it. most ways of dealing can lead to death (not all, not even most, but the easiest and probably most used) here’s a couple of examples of what i’m talking about:

    people smoke to deal with life, that kills them.

    some people exercise until they’re exhausted, that can kill them.

    some people don’t eat or eat way too much, that can kill them.

    all of these things help people deal with life. what they don’t do is deal with the problem.

  3. I liked this post alot. And I liked your comment mourningStar. You’re completely right, sometimes when I want to cut, I have a cigarette instead, and damage my body in a different way.
    Sometimes it’s just too hard to face the problem, too daunting, and sometimes our mind won’t let us know what the problem is, so we damage ourself in some way instead.

    That was a tangent. I wanted to say Samantha, that if you are tempted there are other things to do instead of cutting (my shrink gave me a huge list) you can squeeze ice really hard in your hand, slash up toys, or drawings, listen to loud music, scream, paint red lines on yourself… heaps of things. The ice really hurts, its a good replacement.
    Good luck, you’re doing far better than me.

  4. well taken. but what makes you so sure that their cutting is without reason? I am not arguing with you. Life should not be pain. But I just want to show you that Life is Pain sometimes. Here’s my story:

    Ever since I was about 9-10 I met some older guys. Three of them. Up until I was about mid 13 they abused me. Left big bruises all over my body, most of which have faded. Needless to say I bruise extremely easy now. Beyond that, they got to the point where they would take their knives and while two of them held me down, take turns cutting me and watching me bleed. Beyond that, eventually, they decided to hold me down while one of them would make me clutch the knife, or razor blade which they occasionally used, and force me to cut myself. This continued for awhile, when finally I escaped for about 3 weeks, came home, and I didn’t see them again. I still live with that fear of them coming back. My main purpose while all of this was going on was to live to prove them Bastards that I was better and stronger then they ever could be. But now, My purpose is none. I only wish to die more and more everyday. I can’t escape the past, all I can do is relive it. The smallest things trigger me, and I have to cut. Cutting is what I know. It’s all I truely know. They never cut me so deep as I would need stitches, but numerous mid-deep cuts everywhere, enough to see quiet a bit of blood. I don’t care for pity of this. But just know, maybe your friend has a story, that he/she’s hiding, the way I hide mine. Maybe your friend has a reason, instead of pure self loating. I do not know your friend. So I can not say. But either way, there’s always a story, just like there is always a reason.

    Sometimes I still have nightmares that they came back, and when I wake, I am covered in blood. I cut in my sleep, unintentionally. It’s something I have tried to stop. Something I just can not escape. Maybe I have not tried hard enough. Or maybe I don’t want help. But they ruined my life. And until I can find a way to get over it, My life stays within their hands. Dying is the only way out as far as I can see. But then again, I am blind inside. Only time can tell such things. One day I will be better. But I’m not ready to face the world alone, and over come this. I’m not sure if I can. But that doesn’t mean I am not trying. It doesn’t mean any of us are not tring. point in this post is just to help you understand a little more- from someone else’s background.

  5. You said “when finally I escaped for about 3 weeks” but you haven’t escaped.
    You’re still cutting yourself because of what these people did to you, you haven’t escaped. I hope you do, when you are ready.

    Liberate the people that you hate and cut yourself again.
    -Billy Corgan

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