Lost in a Maze

Have you ever wondered why you were so depressed or all of a sudden consumed by a blanket of eerie sadness? I have ever since 8th grade started for me. I’m now a freshman and school has been hell ever since I walked through those open double doors. I mean, I don’t get messed with or taunted at, but eversince I have found the meaning of true unhappiness.

I’m not your average ordinary girl from some happy tooty-loo town, I’m just a weird girl from an ordinary upbringing. But all in all, sadness has consumed me bit by bit eversince the summer of 2002. I don’t know why… do you? Maybe it started when my hormones got out of control and I started going boy-crazy. Heartbroken so much over some stupid reasons, or maybe it was my friends. What about my friends you may ask? Well, I don’t know. War-torn over two sides of right and wrong. Bonds were broken and new bonds were made. I didn’t know where to go. My friends were basically asking me to choose a side. I don’t know anymore. My conscience talks to me too much. If this is confusing you, then maybe you should have read the title a little bit more. Lost in a maze am I, and I don’t know how to get out anymore. Life is asking me for too much and I’m dying here. Hopefully someone out there can understand or possibly I have a mental disorder or something. Whichever works for me. This has relieved me of some pain but it will never take the tingling feelings of emptiness and depression away.

By MisSus LeStat 07

I'm a 100% WEIRD chick. But, I think I'm cool and that's all that matters right? *smiles


  1. MisSus I feel your pain, I have gone in and out of depression a LOT, I sadly, in 8th grade was a sheep with the flock, but then that summer I realized who I was and broke free, during 10th grade I went into a serious depression, but what I can say is, once you have hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.

    Mr. Spooky

  2. It’s not easy but it saves you pain if you tell your friends from the start that you are not in the middle of thier disputes…

    Human beings don’t hold up very well once they are used for the tug of war rope. This is true when it involves friends, familly, of even occasionaly your parents. Tell them that If they realy cared about you, they wouldn’t make you choose. If they can’t handle that… It’s thier problem, not yours.

    I’m not going to say it’ll pass, because it sometimes comes back. But the moments that the depression is gone are magical….they are what I live for.

    Live for the moment?


  3. Depression is a very hard thing to live with, i know, i have delt with it for 12 years. Like nevarsong said, live for the moment. Find a moment in time that made you truly happy, then everytime you begin to feel down, think of that moment. If you do that everytime you feel depressed, you will live threw it.
    Don’t allow yourself to be the one in the middle. Walk away. If they are truely your friends, they will come to you and ask you what is wrong, then you can tell them how they are making you feel.
    Don’t give up. If you do, you will always be alone. Take it from a person that has.

  4. This is something felt by too many people. i havnt really been happy for years. or is it that im not happy now and just cant remember the good things that have happened. people tend to the melodramatic making things into something their not? or is it really that kids today, especially girls, place too much pressure on each other to obey their social norm, that everyone must conform to the ideals of the majority. and if not then they face life along which is painfully difficult. if you have any kind of sense then u will find it difficult to choose between conforming or not. for me i would like to conform. just for that warm sense inside that im ‘cool’ that people like wot im doing. but my mind rebels against succuming to this rubbish. especially when the social norm of the people around me is something i dont want to be. it may just be me – that i want to have someone special a good friend who wont leave me not girl after girl. even tho im still only 16, this is wot i want. is it wierd that it should be like this? but i digress. i think ive just been rattling on and missing one of the points. but hey not much to say there… it is hard being stuck between your friends but the chances are that if u wait the choice will be made for u by the impatience of your friends giving in resulting in them showing their true feelings. im not sure why im saying this, there is not answer to come to i dont know it, for sure. all i can say is that i feel like u missus and that im sure many other people do too. too much pressure too many decisions to make not enough time to make the right choices. i think the cliche is old before your young.

  5. Neblet,missus, and anyone else who reads this…

    the only think worth conforming to is what you believe….your belief, your values, your little rules for how things get done. And trust me, there is not one thing out there worth throwing out yourself.

    Yes, my values, and beliefs change, but that’s because times come for them to change. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re not important…no one knows exactly what the future holds. You , and everyone else have a chance to change it. (I admit it’s a very small chance, but hey, that’s better than none at all.)

    As for friends… you may not always aprove of what they do, but that doesn’t mean you have to tell them to get lost… just ask them not to do it around you. If they don’t listen, then it’s time to tell them to get lost.


  6. Well hun… depression isn’t fun.. I’ve been depressed sence 5th grade actualy but it got really bad dureing seventh grade and now like you I’m a freshman but I’m starting to pull out, or at least I was.. You post wasn’t confuseing, more like you just spilling everything really fast, and I think thats cool of you because your asking for help from others. I agree with someone else that responded to your post and said that they dont think it just going to pass, life would be to easy that way.. and well we are suppost to know the bad so we can really feel the good for all it is… If you know what I mean.. I don’t think you have some mental disorder, besides my main belifes, which I’m not going to get into right now, but I dont think that your going phyco or anything to bad, every one is at least a little crazy, in some way or another… I think that being hurt by someone else can do 1 of 2 things, make you more able to love the next person or make you completly unable to love…. The second ones not to fun, but its a way of living if you think fooling around is liveing.. The thing being the “rope, in tug a war”, between your friends, isnt all that great either, not to say uncool, I think you should just let them know what it dose to you when they do that, I dont think they will stop completly (if they do it alot, they’re probably used to it then) but they will at least be consious of whats going on.. and how they are treating you.. I hope I helped at least a little but hey I cant help everyone…. Good luck!


  7. you said you didnt get messed with or taunted. Well aside from going through the same shit you have I get fucked with every day. i was depressed for three years as Mr. Spooky mentioned I was at rock bottom but I pulled myself up I dont let shit get to me anymore I get a few assholes now and then but life gets better.

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