This is my second post, and I’ll be happy if it’s posted at all despite whichever topic it is placed under.
People forget me, like I never was me. They stop talking to me the same way, and eventually I had lost my indentity as time has passed. Maybe it’s because the world is changing, and I am growing up, but why does it seem so lonely, when so many surround me with open arms and open hearts. I push away every bit of concern and caring they offer me, and I run the opposite direction. I ran with my eyes shut, and when I stopped to open them, I was in a different place. I shut my eyes, because I was scared of the future. And sometimes I shut them now. Because I fear the world outside my own. The only people I can reach out to aren’t there anymore and each time they leave me, it’s like they took a part of me and left a gigantic hole within me to bleed. To bleed every happy moment, every thought, to leave my soul dying from loneliness and depression. I feel so lost and so alone, and when a light flickers to shine my way, it quickly disappears as it had come. I had forgotten I lived in this world and this society so cruel that when I realized life is life, I wanted to go back. I wished someone was still there with me to hold my hand, but it was pointless because everyone left me to isolate myself from sympathy and caring because it is my fault for pushing them away. It is my fault that I am so alone…..
I dance with the thought of dying, or running away from it all. But that would be weak. It would be stupid of me to even think of taking my own life and crushing what is left of it, but it would be freedom from my own insanity. Even if in the pits of hell…