I know I promised not to send in any new submitions for a little while. I just couldn’t resist asking for input on this one, even though I’m sure it will be over long before this one gets posted.
The title of this post realy sums it up. In order to understand it in full, I must give you a little background information. I will be 20 years old as of the 9th of January, which is 3 days away as I write this. My two best friends have had several arguments in the last month..and one will always threaten not to be at my party if the other is not. So far they have worked it out. They got into it again tonight, and this time I have not Seen how it will end.
That is not the main problem though. one of them…who I will call H., came over tonight. The other, C., was supposed to join us later on. But H. brought along an old friend and lover of mine, who I will call A. They desided that C. had forgotten about our plans andthat we should go out any way. Now C. and A. don’t get along at all, due to a few things he (A) did to me in 99. He says hes grown up alot since we’ve seen each other and he wants my forgivness.
He also wants me back. I’d be lying if I did not admit that I still love him and always will. He was my first and there has only been one other since. It took 8 months before I even thought about going out with someone else, and that relationship didn’t last very long at all. I didn’t mean that to …oh lets call him B., but we remain very dear friends….He also can’t stand A. and is very over protective of me. I still care for him more than is good for me.
I’m a self destructive depressive that hasn’t taken my meds in over 3 months. I do not need all this….most people would be alarmed at the direction my thoughts have turned, needlessly, for that is the last thing i would do.
If I go back to A I may well lose both B and C, for a very long time if not forever. I have til my birthday to choose. Permanetly.
I want to go to bed and stay there forever so I don’t have to choose. If there is a god…he has one screwd sense of hummor.
~n~
Sounds like you need to look for a D. However, maybe you need to follow your heart and go back to A. for a while, to see if it might work out. Your feelings for A, at any rate, will prevent you from really getting intimate with B or C or anyone else, so somehow you need to resolve them.
Your letter is basically asking permission to go back to A, who you love, even though you are afriad of getting hurt again. Fine. Permission granted. Go. And if it doesn’t work out, go fish again.
sorry, not touchng this one… by the way, happy birthday.
I have to agree with GP..you seem to be asking for some sort of validation. If you honestly want the advice of an admittedly malevolent starnger,I say drop all three of them. Friends don’t use that sort of logic..”If you hang out with X,I won’t be Y’s friend” or whatever. You already know your former lover is capable of hurting you…and,while I will be the first to say that all people can change..it RARELY (if,indeed,ever..) occurs in the course of a few short months. I say find a D, and put the past behind you.
It sounds like your life is over-complicated by a surplus of humans. Believe me..no matter how it may *feel* like “You’re just going to DIE without so-and-so..” You’ll live.
Oh,and if you’ve been prescribed medication for a certain condition,you should take them. But that’s just common sense.