When I first laid my eyes upon him, I did not see much more than another rebellious, emotionally neglected boy. He did not pay heed to anyone who could not assert him. He was constantly detained, and that nearly drove him into a psychotic state. He did not put any effort into anything he didn’t absolutely have to. As I was around him more, I came to see that he simply did not care. No one had ever loved him. Though I have always been a very timid person, I somehow found certain courage to confront him; and so I gained what little bit of trust he would grant me.
He had long, black mane of hair, and was very thin. He had no muscle on him at all, wasn’t very tall, and suffered from extreme paranoia. Though I was not attracted to him by his physical traits, I did find myself to be intrigued by him. I wanted to be his friend. I was going through a bout of depression myself, and I could relate to him. What he needed was some structure and discipline in his life, and what I needed was to learn to stand up for myself; to break free from my structures.When I first confronted him, he rejected me. I had gone in expecting that attitude. Though I feared his power, I found that if I could outsmart him in his own work, he would not revert to physical actions in order to rid himself of me. I was the first person to stop him from disobeying my commands. He began to tolerate me.He hardly spoke a word to anyone. However, I was able to piece together his past easily. He had gone from home to home throughout his childhood. Never, throughout his years, had he been special to anyone. He was always on the defensive. Every little thing frightened him, and he would do all he could to get everyone off his back, away from him. I came to see that he was much more intelligent than anyone else I’d met, which drew me closer to him.He refused to learn anything that was forced upon him. However, I took him on gently. I encouraged him, I praised him, and he started to respect me, to learn with me. He did injure me many times, but I forgave him. I stood up on my own, instead of being frightened away like anyone else who had tried to embrace him had been. He remained very arrogant toward me for a long time. At first I wondered if I was actually connecting with him, but I found that he did not show his appreciation through a smile or a hug. Instead, he slowly opened up his shell to me from the inside out. He would show a deeper level of appreciation by listening to what I had to say.Once he moved away from the home I’d met him in, his hair was cut short. It stuck up in every direction, but he didn’t seem to care. I began to see how it was his mind worked. Material things were never any matter to him, but I was special. I was his first friend, and while he would try to remain macho around me most of the time, whenever he was sick or injured; vulnerable, he came to me and let me hold him. He would not listen to anyone but me, though he was calmer when with other people. There was still a wall there between us, however. He couldn’t open up to me because there were too many others living where he was. He was constantly under their eyes, depressed and unwanted. Though many thought him to be a bully, I could see that he was only trying to protect himself. I helped him in finding another home, which was much closer to me. The people there loved him, and his personality underwent a major change. Whenever I went to see him, he would say hello to me, and gently touch my shoulder. His hair is growing long, and he’s been working with me. He is very muscular and attractive, not to mention, a top student. He loves to learn with me, and will protect any friend of mine. He has a sense of humour, which sometimes even gets a little out of hand.It took four years to gain his full trust. I have always had to be assertive with him. He likes seeing me as his authority, and he’s almost constantly smiling. He is no longer a boy, but a man. He has risked his life for me more than once, and he would do absolutely anything for me. We both love the darkness. He is not frightened of the shadows; all his fears were always in broad daylight. I know that he will always accept me, truly, no matter what happens. He would never, ever intentionally do anything to hurt me. Together, we made it through a tough adolescence. Two years ago I met another man who has found a different route into my heart. He drew me in with his gentleness, and he is truly the love of my life. While my old friend seemed a bit jealous, he accepted Josh into his world faster than he had with anyone else. Together, they were my protectors.It is now that I look forward to every second spent with him. The good times outweigh the frustrations. Though we both work very hard, neither of us loves anything more than galloping through a never-ending field in the darkness of twilight. I give him his rein, urge him on, and he returns the favour with a few playful bucks as he accelerates, as if trying to catch up with the moon. His white coat and silver mane take on an almost surreal blue glow in the twilight, and that’s when I realize, crouched low over his strong, short back, that we are both free. His mane flies gently into my face, and his tail is held high. We can float through the darkness, jump any obstacle, and the only sound at all is our own breathlessness. Sahs isn’t just my horse, he’s my partner; and my first true friend.