I have never been a one to weaken myself to the stage of depression or suicide. I have always been the strong one, always the one who others depended on, never to be the one to need to depend on someone else.
But, I don’t know what happened. I suppose after my father died, so did all the “excitement” “worry” and “fear”. It gave everyone a time to cool down, and a time for my mind to decide it was time for me to deal with everything that I should of dealt with before.
I probably would be okay today if I would of dealt with everything as it came, but I didn’t. Everyone else’s safe being was more important, I thought I could wait. Apparently, I couldn’t.
It was if I had just come alive. I was no longer made out of ice and glass, but a warm being who felt everything. All of it, all the anger, all the pain, all the hurt, flooded into me all at once.
It wasn’t long before I was following in my mother’s footsteps and cutting myself, it was how I saw her deal with the pain, so it seemed normal.
About two weeks after that I spent 6 agonizing days in a psych hospital which is probably the worst in the country. Or one of them.
I’m scaring myself now because I am beginning to pick up where my father left off, not with the abuse, but with the drinking.
I don’t know what to do, I’ll write more later, someone needs the phone right now.
Please, I hope someone responds. If you are one of those people who wish to tell me how weak and pathetic I am, spare it, please. I have already heard it. I don’t think it would help to hear it again.
*
yes ,i understand you ,life is so a mysery…but for what i know about the exploration of others dimensions ,if you kill you ,you have big chance to go in hell and from there going back to the start point….i kill myself mentally ,it’s the only way to survive for me ,in this living hell
belphantom@hotmail.com
bye ,we are all survivors..be strong guy..
Loose them they are dead weight. They are just bringing you down and stopping you from helping others. In the story about the Golden Goose you are the goose. You will be fine with or without them unless you are dead. The last act does not have an encore when you play that game. Suicide is not an option.
fuck everyone else glitter, youre the most important person right now. take care of yourself first, youll be able to find better professional help and some good friends. it takes a long time but everything heals in the end. dont give up.
Hey you aren’t pathetic. Don’t cut yourself though, I;ve been through that too many times. As for the drinking, it won’t benefit you and it won’t help, so try to drink less, or not at all if you can. e-mail me. FILTERGIRL15@hotmail.com
you poor, poor, soul. you are by no means pathetic. no persons life is truely pathetic, no matter how much they abuse themselves. drinking to cope with your problems doesn’t help, maybe at the moment it seems to, but not in the long run. cutting yourself also relieves stress, but is very dangerous. i used to cut myself, i still would, but then my boyfriend would see the slashes, and want to kill himself. so that is not an option for me anymore. if you want to talk to anyone, my e-mail’s Crimson_da_Vamp@darksites.com