God forgives, I don’t. God shapes the needle that pierces my skin.
I take his gift and take away what isn’t mine in the first place, little by little I replace my blood with the drug, and I honestly wont survive for long. I don’t need help, help its just not good enough anymore.
When I started I made a choice, I don’t want to be a witness, Im as guilty as we all are, being part of the human race, its not a blessing, its a curse. And I cant find anything better to do, rot in my room lit with the dim light of this screen, my only window. Im not escaping, just looking at the graveyard and waiting till I can get my next hit. It has become my heart beat, a sort of clumsy beat that comes every once in a while to let me breathe my rotten breath in and out again. The room smells like me, in what I have become. What I choose, Is what I am. Have no doubt about it.
not to be mean but, "usuck"
How is that not to be mean?
You SHOULD say "I am —, this is my opinion, if it offends you I’m sorry, here’s some constructive advice on how to improve your work so I would enjoy it more."
C’mon – at least try!
And if you’re going to be rude and not at all constructive then at least don’t try to hide it behind a pathetic veil like that. Saying it’s not mean doesn’t make it any less mean or any more helpful, now does it?
Jeez.
Personally I felt your work lacked direction, grounding and depth. Maybe to you it makes sense where it’s going, but the rest of us are kinda left in the dark. It seems to be a little un-structured for my tastes.
I know what it’s like to have thoughts swimming around your head and to abandon all structure in an attempt to get them out onto paper. But although this kind of writing clears your head, it makes for bad reading. Try grounding those random thoughts and sorting them so they don’t blend together and become confusing. Try giving some background or depth to the piece. A little more length wouldn’t kill either.
Just an opinion, feel free to ignore or contradict. B.
Your writting is somewhat disorganized. Your thoughts are jumbled up and it makes it difficult on some lines to understand what you are saying.BUt I like it nonetheless.Keep writting.
Escape from the bitter reality, and enforced ideas, adn opinions of what right and wrong. In moderation our choices today depict a shadow of what can be, and in our now reality we find deliverance in the expression and use of mortal tools.
Take in the truth as well as the escape.
-MCL-Rob Widit
One would not understand what you have written here unless they have is some form or another lived the life you write of. I have watched and cried because of that life and I know exactly what you are saying. It isn’t jumbled and it does make sense and it does make for good reading, when it is read from the heart and not the mind.
I agree with Noslos Insanity on this. I completely understood the writing, and never felt it lacked in structure, though I didn’t go through what you are going through. I think the comments here should be more about advise then about description of the writing. Sadly, I have no advise to give, i can only ask of you not to surrender to death. There’s always a sparkle of hope if you just believe, as the song says…
I, personally, thought it was good. Not the best I’ve read but certainly not the worst. The only thing I didn’t really understand about was where you wrote "…I don’t want to be a witness…". Other than that I thought it was very truthful, because a lot of people who I’m close to could tell the same story only not in quite the same way you did. Keep writing – as the saying goes "practice makes perfect".