My Lost Dreams

I lay under the shady tree…wondering whether or not my life has some purpose to it or not. I lay there thinking..what is my purpose? Do I have some special significance in this world, or am i just here to take up space? Then I start to think of u.. and the misery you used to put me through. All the torture all the pain and mockery you casted on me. I hated you….I still hate you. I can still remeber the night that we had. The final night that ended your life and ended my own. Do you remeber it? Do you remeber comming home..drunk as usual. You came in and started ranting and raving at mother. Yelling at her like you always would saying how pathetic and what a disgrace she was as a human bieng and a dissapointment as a wife and a mother. I hated you greatly for that. I hated the way you constantly rag on her with her faults when you yourself were no better. Foolishly mom tried to interrupt you and protest your accusations. You punched her in the face and she feel to the floor, like some kinda rag doll. You stomped over to her and began kicking her and stomping her in the stomach. I cried out, “No stop leave her alone!” You didnt hear me though. You just kept on beating her. Finally you stopped, and mother layed there with her blood all around her. “That will teach you to interupt me while I’m talking to you!” you said with a slurish voice. You then turned to me “Well if it isnt the most biggest failure in my life!” You walked over to me and I cowerd down on the floor. Curling in a little ball hoping that if you were to hit me that it would have no effect…..but knowing that it was a foolish thing. You lent down to pick me up. The smell that was casted from you smelled so rancid , it almost made me throw up right there. The smell of alcohoal and blood. You picked me up by my collar and dragged me into my room. I knew what was going to happen. You closed the door behind you locking it and then you turned towards me. In hopes of escaping from you I ran to my bed and hid underneath it. Praying that you couldnt get ahold of me. “Come here you little bitch!” you yelled. I jumped hearing you yell so loud, but I wouldnt come out. Nothing could make me come out. You got on the floor and reached under the bed for me. I screamed, “No leave me alone! I won’t let you hurt me again!” I fought and I fought. Kicking, punching and biting…but it didn’t last long. Fed up with fighting to grab me, you lifted up the matress and hurled it to the side. I screamed and quivered knowing that I no where else to hide. You picked me up once again and throw me on the floor. You jumped on me quickly, grabbing my arms and pinning me under your wieght. “I know i cant get this from your mother, but from you i can get anything I want.” You whispered to me. I struggled and writhed underneath you. Wishing that somehow I could wiggle my way out from underneath you. You put your lips to my face trying to kiss my lips, but i move my head back and forth. You became very angry then and struck me on the left side of my face. “Quit moving you bitch! You should know that you can’t get away from me.” You sat up and tried to remove my shirt. I was able to free my hands and started moving my arms feriouscly in a frantic matter…not caring what or who i hit. I landed a hit on your nose..I know I broke it. I could hear the bones cracking and blood streamed from your nose. You leaned back grabbing your face yelling out at me, cursing at me. I scrambled to my feet and ran for my door. When I reached it, you came up behind me and knocked me to the floor. OHH how angry i felt at that. So close to my freedom. So close to running out the door and then to the next door neighbors house and staying with them untill morning. “You bitch!” you screamed at me. I wasnt going to let you try and touch me again. I refused to let you have your way with me. So once more I ran for the door. You stoped me short by grabbing my shirt and pulling me back. I was pulled with such force I lost my balance and landed hard on the floor. “Your not getting away from me, so quit trying to run for the door.” I looked around, looking for anything that i culd throw at you to aid me in my escape. I saw my lamp laying on the floor next to my bed. I ran to grab it, you saw what i was headed for and raced towards it also. By a mili second I grabbed it before you did and chucked it into your face. The lamp shattered on contact and you screamed as the lightbulb expolded into your eyes. I wasted no time and raced for the door. I ran out the door and hurried down the stairs. In my hasty pace down I tripped and stumbled , falling down hitting my head on the hard wooden floor once i reached the bottom. My head throbbed after the hard fall. I couldnt see straight, and i fell everytime i tried to gain my strength to stand up. THUMP THUMP THUMP you were comming down the staris and yelling for me to come back. In my state of confusion I stood up wearly and ran towards the kitchen. Do you remeber? This is the part where you died. This is the part where I killed you. Your one and only daughter. I ran into the kitchen and was headed for the back door. I tried to open it but the damn thing was locked. Hurriedly I tried to unlock it but you reached me before I could turn the knob. You slammed me unto the floor, kicking me as I stumbled to get back up. “You little bitch! You couldve blinded me!” That was the entire point you idiot! Blood ran down from your eyes and various points on your face where the lamps porclein pieces had cut you. Not that you werent already ugly before, but what my actions had done to you, it made you all the more horrifying to look at. You stopped kicking me for a moment and picked me up. You dragged me to the stove and turning it on you stuck my hand over the open flame. I screamed with agony. I could feel the nerves in my hand exploding from the heat. The smell of burnt flesh quickly polluted the air. “See this is what happens when you defy me. This is what happens when your a naughty little girl.” You said in a mocking tone to me. I screamed and screamed trying to pull my hand away from the flames. I heard a loud bang and you had let go of me and fell to the floor. I pulled my hand quickly away and rush to turn on the faucet. Letting the ice cool water run over my hand. I turned to see what had made you fall, and as I looked mom was standing over crying. “You bastard! How dare you!” she screamed. I couldnt tell if you were dead or just unconcsience. Hopefully you were dead. Mom ran to me and threw her arms around me. Embracing me, kissing me, telling me she loved me and that you wouldnt hurt us anymore. I cried. I cried thinking of how wonderful it would be knowing that you couldnt destroy me or mom. I guess from all the crying mom and I were doing I didnt hear you move up and grab a knife from the little wooden block on the counter. I looked up into mom’s face, right before you had killed her. She looked down at me and said, “I love you sweetie.” Then i heard her let out a loud gasp and saw has her eyes widended. “Mom!” Was all I could shout out. She fell hard onto the floor, and my own eyes had grown seeing the pool of blood that once again surronded mom. ……only this time i knew she wouldnt get up to save me a second time. I kneeled down at her side, looking at her. Remebering all the great times me and her shared. Remembering how happy her and I had been before she met you. Rage had come over me at that moment. All my bottled up anger and hatred for you had overcome me. I saw you standing over by the table with this mocking grin on your face. I glared at you. Letting you know just how much i despised you. “She was no good anywayz kid. Dont worry about her. She never really loved you, she was just telling you that becuase she had to. She never meant anything she ever said to you” I knelt there covering my ears, “Lies Lies Lies!” I became so enraged at that moment that I grabbed the knife and raced towards you. What were you thinking at that moment? They say that your life flashes before your eyes right before you die, is that what happend with you? Did you see your pathetic life go by and did you realize that you had accomplished nothing? Did you? I had stabbed you in the stomach. More blood had come pouring out your mouth. “I hate you,” I yelled “I hate everything about you. We could’ve been a family! But you selfish bastard you took that away from me and from mom! I hate you!” With that I grabbed your greasy hair pulled your head back and slitted your throat. Gurgling bubbling noises came from the wound. I threw you down and stomping and kicking you. When I was finished, I went upstairs grabbed my coat and went for a walk. So now here I am lying under this tree in a cemetry, your blood and mine along with mom’s all stained on my clothes and hands. I still have the knife with me and Im wondering whether or not I should kill myself also. I have no future left. You took that from me. What is my purpose in life now? What WAS my meaning, before I wasted any chance I had at the good life on you. I guess I really have nothing left. So now here is where I will end everything. I will end my thoughts, my dreams, my hopes, and my life.