ok, I hate gonna make this no fucking ‘I hate the world, I hate everyone, this sucks’ sorta’ freaking entrys! No-one can really know pain until you live it! You can’t just start listening to metal, and say you have pain!
I gotta say, I was once like that. I used to be one of the preppy nerds who listened to ‘rebellios bands’ for the fact they were like that. Shit, I was a fucking dumb ass! Then the world flipped for me. I stopped listening to death metal, and black metal, and started to listening to what I could relate to, and what sounded good. School sucked, my home life sucked (still does) and you know what, it fucking hurts! I can’t ge any love or understanding, and I fear for my life every day. I am totally depressed. I’m ready to take an uzi to everyone, and go down in flame.
Thankfully, I have a few friends who ain;t ‘mega-death-goths’ and who are who they are. The few moment I spend with them make me feel whole, but we all must have pain in our lives, soem less then others. My whole thing is: Stop pretending to have pain, and just live, becasue trust me, pain comes, and when it does, it sucks.
With Love
You hit the nail right on the head with that last sentence, FearHate……
i agree.
everyone’s life goes to shit at some point and time. It’s how you handle it that makes a person.
I say fuck the bullshit, kick life in the balls and live for me and me alone.
always here, but never seen.
lonevamp
pain comes, and pain can go, but for some pain is life. death is the answer for some. and for others, they look for someone who cares enough about them to talk them down. but the feeling never lasts. they can never be loved because all they know is pain. another one of life’s vicious cycles.
My friend just nearly killed himself if the police hadn’t come in and stopped him. I really wish people would actually take the time to understand what some people go through.
sometimes, understanding isn’t enough to realize why people do the things they do. i have known people who have commited suicide, and yet to everyone around, they were as happy as can be, in the prime of their lives. only the person holding the gun knows why he wants to die.
I feel that no one is immune to the pain of life. and the ‘symptoms’ of suicide are based off of a text book answer in a psychology course. What mourningstar said is very true. I should know cause I was in that same position. gun ready to go.
this is no ‘help me’ plea. I’m over it and moving on. but people should be extriemly observant of others. not to the point of annoyance, but there as a true friend.
life does suck. but there is always something better. sometimes it’s death, sometimes it’s not. but hopfully death is a last resort. death is eternal, life isn’t. no one can force us to live how they want.
anyways. it’s my thoughts on it. and if we all think the same, life would suck even more.
always here, but never seen.
lonevamp
It’s true what everyone is saying, but the fakers are wasting the only time in there life where happiness is possible, on pretending to be unhappy. When the shit hits the fan, they’ll realize they can never be happy again.
Happiness is like virginity, ounce taken, never reclaimed.
*once
My life is going the same way. I agree that people should live their lifes like they want. If no one likes the way they live they can just stay the fuck away.
My mother committed suicide when I was nine, it has taken years and I am still dealing with it.
Pain is not something to be taken lightly.
And I also agree, those who pretend to be in pain are stupid, and wasting times that they could’ve spent happy.
(To repeat your point… Pain comes, and when it does, it sucks.)
*Beautiful Mess*
My “friends” aren’t depressed they don’t know real pain. All they know is the pain of a heartbreak. They all say they know true pain. We all know who it is because I’ve been throught the most shit out of our so-called group. I guess what I’m trying to say is that those fake people who pretend to have pain and suffuring are total flakes and have no fucking clue what true pain is.
i cant stand people who cut themselves to solve problems, all my friends cut themselves, i choose not to, id rather take my anger out in other forms. Everyone i hang out with cuts themselves, i try to make them stop but they just dont listen, even the girl im going out with, she isnt a goth like me, but she still cuts herself. Im tired of everyone i know hurting themselves to relieve stress. so i have a plan, the next time i see my friends cut themselves or i see slits on their wrists. Im gonna cut my wrists so badly that ill have to go to the hospital and get a blood transfusion, then maybe theyll see what can happen when they cut themselves. So you people might not be hearing from me for a couple of days.
~peace
well that would work
Too true everyone, and when your in the middle of it all, it seems you’re all alone and blind, and sometimes understanding people don’t really understand until they’ve been through it too.
Unfortunately for myself, few are as intense as myself and don’t understand the depression when it occurrs. Rare is it that I find someone who really knows and most of the time I feel that that animal doesn’t exist. At least I have known one good soul who admitted openly they weren’t very good with consoling depression, funny but just that person saying that meant far more than those who’d try to consol me or try to understand in some way.
And as for the fakers, they are the worst pain in my life and usually the ones who cause the pain in the first place.
I agree with you Volterrans. The fakers are usually the ones that cause the pain.
sometimes, those who have the most pain hide it the best. many people don’t want others to know that their in pain, and so they manage to fake it. sometimes even exaggerating the pain so we will shrug it off as bullshit.
hey thats gotta be me then… I hide a lotta things… most pain like things
I understand what you mean.
I have lived an abusive life, called many people “dad”, and am alway’s walking around thinking about death.
I am also getting anger management counselling as I am often stabbing student’s with pen’s and compasses.
This is one of the best post’s that I have read, well done!
Alot of you’s are real blunt in what you say. Having to tell people about pain, means it aint that bad in the first place. I’d love to brag about my suffering, you know, to see if I’ve had more torment than you, but I don’t, so I’m just a voice, instead of a personality. We all have pain, and the more I hide it, and paint over it with a bleak smile and white eyes, the more it hurts.
and thats the way I like it.
Bluebar, I think you told my story, Funny how people can lead the same lives isn’t it?
Though there are those few people who’s passion is depression. It is what fuels them on. Such as I whom involuntary created my own through extensive drug use. Having to watch all of my old friends either taken off to jail or killed in a drug run. I was in the game for 6 years. Everything exept crack and heroin. I watched everything fall apart around me and only wanted more. What finally killed me on the inside was my parents’ dissapointment. We were always close and after the first 5 years they were all I had left. Now that I’m beggining to clean up and start my life over. . .
I quote “thicktears”. . .happiness is like virginity, once taken, never reclaimed.
I think I pretend…yes, i think i do. I dont really know. It’s strange and it consumes a lot of my thought…whether I really am in pain or not. If i cut for attention or not…and it drives me up the wall. I wonder if i have crying spells in hope that i will be found….
*sigh*
~unsure of wat really is
sometimes introspection is the surest and swiftest path to destruction.
Drifting, Im confused as hell as well.
I just told my shrink I wasnt gonna see her anymore or take my meds, now that theyre suddenly coming out of my system I’m losing it.
I don’t know if I want to get better or worse. I don’t know if I want help or not.
And it frustrates the hell out of me.
My Dad said if I get worse he’ll institutionalise me. I don’t know if that”s a good thing or bad.
And I can’t make myself get over it.
~Unsure of what I really am.
Beautiful Mess,
I’m sorry to hear your Dad threatening to put u into an insitiute. That’s the good thing about my parents not knowing – they don’t know, so obviously I don’t go to a shrink or anything. I think you want to get better…then you wouldnt have to not know! I understand about the help thing though, I’m not sure if I want help or not…and if I do, well I don’t know who I want the help from.
We’ll find out what we want soon enough.
~Drifting…
I hope so.