My Precious Beauty

“Why do you love the darkness?” she asked me plainly. I stared quietly back to her, as the mirrors of my soul began to well up with tears.

The words reaching up from the depths of my belly, yet caught in the tightness of my throat. I speak, but only in a whisper, for it is all I can muster.

“I am looking for something . . .

. . . something precious . . . something precious within me.
A treasure . . . my deepest treasure.”

I paused in amazement of what I spoke. For the question was never so plainly put to me, and the answer never so profound as in that moment. And so began an exquisite unfolding and exploration. A quest for my treasure.

I put to myself a question. Besides the obvious and the negative, WHAT IS DARKNESS?

Darkness, as myth and legend first speak of it, existed BEFORE light. It is the womb of creation and the birthplace of light. It is also PROTECTION. My inner darkness is my repressed consciousness, my place of inner banishment. It is also a wellspring of creative forces and it is the harbor and hiding place to my most precious desires.

Those precious desires are my treasures and my beauty. Beauty that is so precious to me, that I fear if I release upon the world, the world will forsake it and destroy it, and in so doing, destroy me. To ensure this does not happen, I HIDE this beauty from the world, from the light, from myself even, and because my fear is so great that my beauty will be destroyed, I then banish it into my inner darkness.

This beauty sings to me at first, and then screams to me to find it. It is that unexplainable, unforgettable and unattainable longing. It is the nightmare and the dream. This beauty despairs so greatly from its banishment into my dark inner realm, that it begins to transform itself. The beauty then becomes my ugliness and my perversion.

Beauty repressed becomes my dysfunction. So angy it becomes, that it turns against me. Beauty enraged becomes the source of my self-sabotage.

For this is why I love darkness. Not for the ugliness that it has be become, but for the beauty it once was. That most precious beauty.

Touching my shadow self, Touching my darkness, Touching my ugliness is NOT enough. True, that ugliness and that beauty are exquisitely intertwined and perhaps one in the same. But, I am called to my darkness to make peace with my precious beauty. To engage my ugliness and perversion in an attempt to revive and retrieve my precious beauty. I am called to my darkness, for it is the treasure trove of my most precious beauty. That beauty that I wish to rebirth upon the world.

Blessings in Darkness and Light,

Everwheel