Sometimes this house feels like a prison..so many rules to follow….no one here to comfort me…what the hell am I supposed to do..when all my friends are just to busy, living their lives. I have no one here that can understand the pain I’m feeling..Im so confused..what is it that is dragin me down?
When Im around you everything is perfect…all the fucked up shit in the world, in my life dissapears… just for those mere seconds that u and I are together…I find the strength to continue, hoping that everything will be ok. Why then do I find myself not seeking your comfort? Is it that when I am with you I am so happy, and as soon as you are gone I know I will start to fall and reality will slap me in the face, forcing me to turn the other cheek? It has got to be, because I know that temporary joy is meant to end….but I cant bear to see it happen. You are all I think about…every waking moment is spent living to see you next…I dont think it is understood by many..how the sun rises and sets only to make it through another day to see your loved one….but love is something that is not understood….it is immpossible of questioning and explaining. Love cant be questioned…for when asked the reason the only answer concluded is that you can feel it in your heart. But where then does the heart lie? Is it a part of you or something superficial? Is it the very thing that keeps you alive? That gives you the will to live? For when you are said to die of a broken heart, what then happens? Is your will to live breaking…tearing away from all familiar and taking you to things dark, never meant to be explored? There are endless questions that one and all would like to have answerd..but will we ever really know what true love is? Or do you only think you are in it because that is what you say and you have never really understood it? Or do you feel it in your heart and have faith in your belief that you and your reason for living will overcome all obstacles placed before you by this fuckin world? Although this may never be answered, let me say…this is true love…I know in my heart…when I am not here anymore you may remember me. All I wanted was to be loved and give my love. What the hell am I doing..everything is dark now….I can faintly hear the voices of the people I love….but where am I? I am floating now….nothing is wrong anymore except I am not with you…how long must I wait? I just wanted you and now i know that apart from hurting mysef I have hurt countless others and mostly you…what a stupid excuse…I got out of life by ending my life….I didnt face those responsibilities that were left to me…what the hell…I now would give anything to take back what is done….for I can see you and spend every moment near you…but you can not see me….and I will have to see you love another…..I hope i can find joy for you….but its gonna be hard….I wish I were truly with you….not just in your heart..but in your arms as well….as long as I am with you in your heart I will always be there for you…when you think no one is listening and despair..possibly like me or because of me I will be listening and also silently crying…I will bring joy to your heart and live everything with you ….god bless you and just to let you know I will always be here…waiting for you silently and patiently….and I’ll love you forever…..bye now…those sounds are getting to faint I think I am truly gone from this world…I can hardly see you now…Im getting higher and higher…….there is a bright light above me and i now see God….my holy father..the one I forgot who was always with me…I will be back …..look for me when the sun is shining over your head, when the summer rain is falling down, as the sun sets across the ocean, when you feel magic in the air, when new life grows, when a rainbow is seen I will be at the other end…always look for me and never forget….never end your life the way I have…live your life to the fullest…let someone know how you feel….remember that you can give a friend wings when they have forgotten how to fly…..live and love with all your heart and no regrets.