“I find it interesting how the programs on t.v. that teach us about cutting and eating disorders, also give us the ideas to do them…,” Samara thought to herself.
When I was 12 I watched a movie on Lifetime about a girl whos friend was bullimic. The girl taught her friend Alexis to do it too. But later Alexis found her own way into that world and became anorexic. When the kids at her school found out, they called her Lexi Anorexia.
I think I found my way into Cutting on my own. I talked to this girl on IM once and she said she learned of cutting from a Lifetime program. Whenever something really emotional happens, I use my razor. Unfortuneatly, some parents become too involved in their children’s privet lives from those godforsaken programs and think razor=cutting. Not true. My dad searched my room once when I was out all night. When I got back home my solice was a wreck. Things thrown on the floor, movies smashed, posters torn. I saw a candleholder on the dresser and flung it at my mirror. The bottom half shattered into slivers and sharp pieces. I went over to the broken mess and found a weapon. I held it to my shoulder and slashed. Slashed til the blood ran and then ran some more. Nothing calms the pain or soothes it more than that.
But since then I’ve become very self-concious of my scars. They are like road maps almost; marks that tell the pain in your life. On my arms and wrists are pink scars….scars that I cannot forget, but scars that people stare at. I just want to shout and scream, “YES! I’ve had bad moments in my life. And I doubt you know what it’s like so STOP STARING AT THEM!” People stare at them and automatically assume you are bad or have problems or that you’re a dangerous and troubled person. They never think about the exact reason they’re there. I hate wearing short-sleeved shirts. But when I wear long sleeves people begin to wonder. Why is she wearing them all the time? What is she hiding?
My sister sees them but she doesn’t comment much. She either says I’m immature for not vocally expressing my hurt, or says I’m stupid and patronizes them and me. But she doesn’t know how it feels, the release you get when you cut. It’s almost cleansing but no one can see that. They see cowardice and weakness.
I’ve retreated to tatoos instead. Oh, but it isn’t the same. And in the end, you no longer live in this world. You are neither here, nor there…..You are Beyond.
it’s true that incidents happen more often after a program is aired about it. Same thing happened after the Columbine shooting, hell my school had a bomb threat. suicide. murder. they try to portray it as bad, but it just gives people ideas.
how many tattoos do you have?
I have only one so far. This story was meant to be a fact-based fiction….that’s why in the beginning I made the character think about t.v. programs. I meant it to be the girl telling the story and not really me. Oh well. It’s loosely based on my life but I don’t really cut anymore. The character replaced cutting with tatoos, but *I* haven’t. When I got my first tatoo it was almost torture. My best stories seem to hit me at a certain time at night. Guess this wasn’t one of them.
Rose
thanks for the clarification
and we should care because??…if your gonna cut urself, atleast cut it where it counts, make that vein squirt,give it an extra little pinch for good luck, but u dont really cut urself, do u? u just say that so u can be more “:goth” isnt that right, u giraffe blowing little prick? go get a real life and quit postin shit that isnt true.
I would really appreciate it if you wouldn’t put bullshit about yourself on my post just because no one will read the ones you write. Thank you.
Rose
if u dont read what i write…then how do u know its bullshit??
ANSWER THAT U LITTLE JEWISH CRACK WHORE
And how can you know she’s a jewish crack whore if you don’t know her ??? Stop asking stupid stupid questions and posting bullshit, ok ?????
that’s for “insertnamehere” of course. Good writing job RoseTears, you’re right, TV shows people lots of crap that give them bad ideas… too bad so many people watch it.
Insert…..never mind. And Rose Tears? Those people who think you are stupid tell them to fuck notyou in his pisshole with rusted barbed wire.