I hate my life at the moment. I know people have worse problems than me, and i know people have less problems. And some people cope better than others. I for one can’t cope well.
People have random bad days. People even have random bad weeks and hey maybe people have random bad months. But this is driving me mad. I cant cope, and at the moment im feeling lonlier than i have ever. And i’ve felt lonely!
I had 3 best friends. 2 girls and a lad, i tend to get on better with lads. I lost my one girlie best friend over my ex, long story, but we fell out and never Really made up properly. We’re “mates” now and talk now and then.
I fell out with my guy best friend (who i could talk to about Anything and knows more about me than anyone) at about the same time i lost my other, but a bit after. We were losing contact, blanking eachother, talking less and less, and we just got sick of eachother. It wasn’t the same and when we did talk we argued. It was crap.
We’ve made up now, and we’re on the mend though its not the same as it ever was.
I still have my other girlie best mate, Ju, and she’s amazing. She’s always here for me and that, but i dont feel like i can talk to her as much. I know i should be able to, and some things i can but there’s like this other half of me that i just can’t really let out when she’s with me…
Today was such a crap day. It started ok-ish. But after a while i just felt like crap. I didn’t wanna talk or do anything at all. I just wanted to be on my own. Ju noticed i wasnt myself and asked what was up, but i just said “im tired, not in a good mood, cant be arsed” and she left me be.. Which i suppose i wanted. I just feel so lonely. I feel like i can’t talk to anyone about anything, and it’s all bottling up inside me again.
I sit in my room by the radiator and listen to incubus and just think about things.
I’m also getting concerned about eating. I went through the not-eating thing, Mom got concerned, force fed me etc etc. Im better with that now, but im getting concerned that im getting the other kind of eating disorder – eating Too much. I’m not fat at all or anything. But i keep eating sweet things, especially when i get home. It’s not bad now, but i have a feeling :S
I just wanna curl up in a ball for a few months and let it all pass.
This is the kinda thing i should have took the time to write in my diary, but it’s how im feeling anyway.
Sorry for the long rant everyone, i just had to get it down…
That’s okay. Lonliness…. I think I can relate. And I know, it sucks. And I currently am trying to resist my urge to just get up and leave and not care where I get to, or if I live or die.
…okay so I never cared about whether I lived or died. Which is sad, because I’ve always opted for dying instead of living. Oh well. Anyway. If you ever feel like you need to talk some one who has at least some idea of what you’re talking about, just email or IM me. I’d be happy to listen.
.glass.
If you ever need someone to talk to, you can also talk to me. I’m good at helping out others, and I also like to help people. I also know how it feels like to feel lonely. I also have good friends, but sometimes it seems like if I can’t tell them how I feel. Well hope you feel better.
I’m ussually not the one giving advice cuz no one really wants my advice but if your interested in my opinion, i think that you should try and find something that can help you forget about your problems for a while cuz you seem like you can’t stop thinking about it, i think to much too, personally i can’t find that thing for me but i still think it’ll help a bit.
Thanks everyone 🙂 I’m glad i have people here that listen and care…
It’s not that i don’t trust Ju, i trust her more than me. The problem is that she doesnt understand depression, she doesnt understand why people would want to hurt themselves etc… She knows i have, but doesnt talk about that. When she hears other people do she is like “wtf, why would they wanna do that?!” even if i try to explain she doesnt understand. Thats good, coz she’s not sad and it’s good that she doesnt feel SIV is good in any way!! True friends are amazing. 🙂
Thanks again everyone, you made me feel so much better already 🙂
Take Care, Love, n Hugz *~*Broken*~*
Sometimes I feel like the whole world is just closing in like I’m a small bug in between two big fingers being pushed and smashed… sorry, i know how you feel. If you have a good friend Ju then I think you should talk to her. From experience, when i feel shitty i push people away and then regret it, one true friend is better then a million dumb ass idiots!!!
blacknstars has a point. This Ju person is trying, and you never know if you can trust her until you try. I was like that with Lia for years, until one day I just let loose and told her all of what was worrying me. And she understood – ya know I thought she was happy and shit, I thought she’d think I’m a psycho …. turns out I just wasn’t brave enough to try and see. Thing is, if you don’t show her your other side you’ll just lose her anyway – everybody hates being left out of their friends lives.
yeah and don’t worry about the over-eating thing. Everybody has this conformist idea of what they should eat, and to be honest you’re the only one whose standards matter.
You ever wanna talk or just scream at somebody then you can talk to me allifeelishappy@hotmail.com
Actually – open invitation to everybody. I’m not fussy really.
And yeah, I know you hate to hear it, but even if life doesn’t get better then you will. You’ll learn how to live instead of just breathing, as soon as you stop building walls around yourself. Because everybody builds walls, and we forget the threat doesn’t come from the outside it comes from within.
Loneliness passes, things change, nothing ever stays the same in the constantly changing frame of the universe. I have known it all of my life, on and off, for one reason or another, mostly for being quite different from everyone else around myself. The few really good friends I do have, they’re always there and they’re much appreciated.
All we can do in the moment is live through things, go with the flow for a while and see where it goes. There are always opportunities for change from time to time, we just have to recognize them when they do arrive. Sometimes all it may require is a change in thoughts or persective.
And blacklight is right, pluck up enough courage within yourself and talk to your good friend Ju…
You did the right thing by having a rant, it always helps to get your feelings down on paper (or screen – you know what i mean, lol.).
I think you’re feeling what a lot of people feel at your age. It’s always hard when you lose friends, especially when you lose them over silly things, and you’re right – things never really get back to the way they were.
I was in the same situation as you, i had a few really close friends and we fell out for various reasons. I was lonely as hell for a bout 3 years. It’s not easy and at times you can hit rock bottom. They only advice i can give you is the age old cliche – you can only help yourself. Friends don’t appear out of thin air, it takes time to get to know people and trust them, and even meet them in the first place, but you will.
As for the eating thing, it’s normal as hell, comfort eating. Everyone does it. It’s scientifically proven that food makes us feel better, so eat away, who cares if we put on a little weight.
Take care and god bless
Vixodus
xx
Hey, don’t worry about ranting – thats what this place is here for, & vix is right, you do yourself no good keeping it inside yourself, so why not let it out.
I know how you feel about the lonliness, its just so hard to tell anyone how you truly feel, even your closest friends & so you find it hard to get close to them, but you have to try to tell them or they’ll never be able to help you.
Anyway, if you ever need nyone else to talk to, feel free to try me, I’m not usually of any help but at least you can talk to some faceless guy who’s willing to listen… so if you need to talk, my address is mashiara15m@hotmail.com
Love you all
Mashiara
xx
I am the greatest actor in the world…
I never really have true friends, I just give each person a reflection of themselves and the friend they would like to have. Consequently, I know a lot of people, and they all think they know me. But it’s all an illusion; The more someone thinks they know me, the less they really do. Needless to say, this does get very lonely and depressing. I tried opening up to someone once, showing them all that is inside of me and who I really, truly am, but they just rejected me. Sometimes I feel like I’m leading people on, other times just myself. I don’t know if I’ll ever open up to anyone again; I can’t help but think I’ll die alone…Sorry this really has no place here. I just figured I’d share my own experiences with lonliness. Sometimes, I can almost completely trick myself into thinking I have true, great friends, but nobody really knows the first thing about me. I listen to all of them, give them advice, or let them vent when no one else is willing to listen, and they feel so much better. Again, I’m sorry for this, it has no place here I know. I should just get a life or something
I wouldn’t say that, DantaNemoVile. I’d say you’ve come just to the “right” place to express how you feel. There are others here who feel just as lonely as you are and probably for some of the same reasons…so why not put up your own post about it?
i wouldn’t say that you’re the greatest actor in the world. Despite your assertions you don’t seem to have fooled yourself yet. You know yourself: your flaws, your pains and your wishes – that’s more than some do.