New found anxiety

Well you see, I never really was aware of what anxiety was. No, I knew what it was but I had never experienced it. So this is my pathetic story that I just want everyone to know….cuz it might make me feel better.

So this friend of mine…good friend, weaseled his way, somehow into my heart and made me start to yearn for him. Despite the fact that I had a boyfriend whom I loved. But the thing was, this friend of mine, he HATED my boyfriend for some reason even though Joe(my boyfriend) was the most likable person anyone knows. So Forny(my friend) was always insulting Joe and soon I started in too. I started believing Joe was…..not for me.

So to relieve this horrible feeling that I hated Joe, I did the unmentionable. The absolute worst thing I could ever do. I broke up with Joe. I think it might have worked out better if Forny had been in town for me to….I dont know, have him “comfort” me. But Forny went to his cabin for the weekend.

Right, so I broke up with Joe and I was MISERABLE. I cried for 3 hours straight. I couldnt eat, I got nausceas everytime I put food in my mouth. I couldnt sleep, I would stay up till all hours of the morning and then fall asleep for about 2 hours and get up again. And thats when it hit me. i felt this awful feeling that was so new to me. It was, like in the pit of my stomache…kinda. It was just a bad feeling. And then someone told me I seemed anxious and I needed to calm down and I thought about it and realized….anxiety. It hurt me, to live without Joe. I couldnt believe I did it, it didnt seem real.

Thing is, I was depressed before that, I just kept everything inside, but when the incident happened with Joe and I, my mom dragged me to a psychiatrist. One that I hated. So the whole event pushed me over the edge and forced me into anxiety AND psychiatric help, which I didnt necessarily want. So I went and asked Joe to take me back. Which led to RELENTLESS harrassment from Forny. He was mad. And then I kind of lost him. I loved Forny so much, even if he didnt know it. I mean, not in a sexual way, just, I loved him like a brother. And now Forny no longer seems to want to see me anymore. But the conclusion I came to is, I dont care. Forny meant more to me than most anything but I decided Joes love was something I wanted more. So I have gotten over Forny not being involved with me anymore, at least for the most part. And now I find….Joe was extremly hurt by what I did to him, and I dont think he will ever forgive me. And I feel bad, but we still love eachother so everything is positive. Although I am still being forced to see the shrink.

So thats it. Since I got the first anxiety crap, it keeps coming back, not as strong but everyday I feel the anxiety. And it hurts me. I hate it, and the only time I get it is if it involves Joe. So, I love you Joe, and Forny I wish we were still close. I love you too.

By morbidpunk

You are my sunshine is my favorite song.

3 comments

  1. im sorry but i have to say this……that has to b tha GAYEST life story i have ever read…..i mean…yeah we get sad over bf/gf’s…..but its kinda stupid to say shit about your bf…whom u say u love……yet u were doing that just so that “forny” guy would like u….and who cares if u have anxiety….thats not even a big deal…..and anxiety attacks doesnt mean that your depressed…my firend has anxiety attacks and shes probably the happiest person i know….and what the hell….if u get depressed over a guy…..u were probably depressed before that cuz of the mail being late or something

  2. hey asshole, I warned you it was pathetic. So get a life. You dont know the half of it. And I am not your friend who has anxiety attacks despite the fact that she is chirpy!

  3. hmm…well if it was difficult to you then i can’t argue…but……life’s a *****….learn to live with it…

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